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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on October 4, 2010, at 2:09:33
Sigh. I'm feeling like a complete loser again.
People used to have high hopes for me. I used to get good grades. No one doubted that I would go to university. It was a given for me.
When I first saw pdoc, she even suggested medical school for me.
But alas, I made all the wrong choices, lost my motivation, intelligence, drive and confidence. Now I am 28 years old and unemployed with a lousy good for nothing general science degree. I don't know how to grew to hate school. I have an aversion to studying now.
I know it might be too much to ask to be really special and successful, but come on, toss me a bone, can't I just be successful enough to at least support myself? Can't I at least have a normal life?
I shouldn't be where I am in life right now. Come on, even people with just a high school diploma are more successful than me!
I wish I was smarter and more hard working. I wish I had motivation and drive. I wish I could make my parents and extended family proud of me. I wish I became a doctor or became a chemistry professor or something.
Instead here I am, still living with my parents at 28, with no real life social life, no career, no achievements.
It's not fair. Why do I have so many problems? My sister turned out just fine. What's the matter with me? I've had problems my whole entire life. I've never been abused or anything, why did I turn out so messed up?
Posted by Dinah on October 4, 2010, at 9:26:05
In reply to I wish I lived up to my potential, posted by Deneb on October 4, 2010, at 2:09:33
Potential is a terrible burden.
Is your general science degree really good for nothing? I think I had a friend with a general science degree that went on to become a dental technician. And another friend who became some sort of medical technician. Hmmmm... Pulmonary maybe?
Is that a possibility? What about the lab work you once were talking about? I can actually see you being relatively happy with those.
You're only 28. If at some point you want to go back to school in the evenings, you can. But in the meantime, beating yourself up over something that isn't shameful to begin with isn't very helpful to you, is it? As you pointed out, people live perfectly happy and productive lives with no degree at all. You do have a degree. I know that was important to you. Now you can find a job that makes decent money with reasonable working conditions. You don't need to move away from home or grow up in any way unless you want to. I'm a good deal older than you, and I'm still not a grownup in the real world. I just pretend long enough to go to work.
What did your career counselor say? Didn't we talk about a wide range of jobs that you might look into? Which ones didn't require an advanced degree? What are some small steps you can take to get one? Brush up on your resume and cover letter? Look to see who is hiring in your area, if you don't wish to leave home?
Posted by twinleaf on October 4, 2010, at 9:52:43
In reply to I wish I lived up to my potential, posted by Deneb on October 4, 2010, at 2:09:33
It's so painful to feel that way. You can definitely build a good life for yourself, with professional accomplishments, friends, your own family, but it might not happen without more intensive, long-term therapy. If you look through the Psychology archives, there are a number of people who achieved all these goals with psychotherapy, and you can, too.
What about getting a job and then finding a male psychodynamic therapist? The fact that you have such strong positive feelings for Bob seems like an excellent reason for choosing a man- and also an excellent sign that you would gain a lot from therapy. There, you can gradually work through all those feelings until you are able to have equally strong and loving relationships IRL. Don't misunderstand me: I think it is very positive to have such strong feelings for Bob, but you wouldn't want to get towards 40 or 50 with him still being the most important relationship in your life. You wouldn't lose him; you would just add on other people. He can always remain as a positive influence and mentor for you.
If you do begin long-term therapy, an eventual goal might be to reduce the amount of SSRIs that you are taking. They reduce motivation in so many people that they could be doing the same to you. And you are taking a lot for your body weight! There are a number of posters here who have done just that while in long-term therapy- I no longer take any, for example, and feel much more energized and motivated now.
You can do anything you want with your life. For reasons you really don't know, you've had a rougher than average start. But you can definitely have a strong and happy finish, as many others have. In a way, you are like a "Babble daughter" to some of us, and we definitely want the best for you!
Posted by Phillipa on October 4, 2010, at 11:55:54
In reply to Re: I wish I lived up to my potential » Deneb, posted by twinleaf on October 4, 2010, at 9:52:43
Deneb please don't sell yourself short as your knowledge of chemistry is awesome and you're very young still. Chemistry wasn't it always a great love of yours. And didn't you just find out you had your degree and didn't know it? I feel you can be anything you wish. Phillipa
Posted by SLS on October 5, 2010, at 6:19:24
In reply to I wish I lived up to my potential, posted by Deneb on October 4, 2010, at 2:09:33
> I wish I lived up to my potential
How do you know that you are not?
It may be that your path through life differs from that which everyone else expects from you - even you. The average societal scripts might not be right for you to follow As long as you feel that you are doing your best in any given moment, you are indeed living up to your potential in the present. The future is not the past. Your future might yet bring you happiness and fulfillment. Just keep an open, creative, and constructive mind so that you don't overlook opportunities.
- Scott
Posted by Deneb on October 5, 2010, at 19:52:26
In reply to Re: I wish I lived up to my potential, posted by Dinah on October 4, 2010, at 9:26:05
I guess my degree is much better than not having a degree. Also science degrees are generally valued. It will help me get a job no doubt, but I just feel so incompetent. I think I could be some sort of technician. Actually that's what I think I want to do.
I'm still in the researching phase for my career counseling. I should do more research today. After I figure out what career I want I will see a job developer and they can help me build up skills and find jobs to match my skills.
Posted by Deneb on October 5, 2010, at 19:57:27
In reply to Re: I wish I lived up to my potential » Deneb, posted by twinleaf on October 4, 2010, at 9:52:43
I'm not sure I believe in psychodynamic therapy. I plan on loving Dr. Bob until I die at 120. LOL My future boyfriend will just have to be OK with that.
I often wonder if the SSRI's are decreasing my motivation and drive.
Posted by twinleaf on October 5, 2010, at 20:50:05
In reply to Re: I wish I lived up to my potential » twinleaf, posted by Deneb on October 5, 2010, at 19:57:27
I'm sure you and the boyfriend could work that out well. The scenario that was worrying me was if there ISN'T a boyfriend 10 years from now - if Bob remains the only really important person in your life. The kind of therapy I was thinking of is the kind that's designed to change people so they can have more close, fulfilling relationships IRL. It is ideal for people in their 20's 30's who are having difficulty doing what they want in life.
Posted by Deneb on October 6, 2010, at 20:35:58
In reply to Re: I wish I lived up to my potential » Deneb, posted by twinleaf on October 5, 2010, at 20:50:05
I feel good that I am getting somewhere with the career counseling. I find it really helpful. I did more homework for it today. I am however, pretty anxious about it all. I wish I wasn't so anxious.
This is the end of the thread.
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