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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by 64bowtie on January 3, 2011, at 5:04:07
Accepting my role as partime caregiver for my octogenerian Dad has led me to a few unexpected epiphenae... The latest is his overreactions to questions about his behavior as if it threatened his very existence... I am tired of his screaming at me while he shakes like a cowering dog...
He gets into this mode in miliseconds (a really short amount of time, bordering on instantaneous)... The mystery of this behavior is actually that it is so pervasive... I have followed the information trail backwards from episodes and found a common thread...
I found that coercion or violence could have been averted by the knowledge of 1 or 2 simple missing facts... I started wondering how many murders could have also been averted thoughout history for the same reason...
Aren't crimes of passion rife with arrogance on the part of perpetrator??? Isn't a streetwise definition of arrogance being vain-ignorance??? So the pattern is developing that crime might be rooted in arrogance...
After all, knowledge trumps ignorance, especially ignorance that causes death(s)...
Rod
Posted by Solstice on January 3, 2011, at 20:39:00
In reply to Ignorance might be killing my Dad, posted by 64bowtie on January 3, 2011, at 5:04:07
Hi Rod -
It's hard to watch our parents age. I wonder how much his age has to do with the behavior you see that bewilders you?
My own dad just turned 78. He had a brilliant military career - high ranking officer - well decorated (yes, I'm boldly proud!). Over the last several years, I've noticed that he is very aware of his mental deterioration. Sometimes he jokes about it, but I sense he's afraid of it. He seems to 'feel' the gap between how his mind used to work, and how it works now. I think it makes him fretful.. he once felt so assuredly in control.. and now the fast pace of everything around him seems to leave him feeling ever diminished. It has been an adjustment for me to modify my image of my 6'4" all-knowing powerful father.. to one who now calls me to help him figure some pretty simple things out. It's kinda funny now, because he seems to see me like I used to see him (brilliant & all-knowing).
I wonder if it might help to focus your dad's attention on the accomplishments of his life? It might be compassionate to, as best as you can, divert his attention from his failures (past or present). Your discription of him screaming, shaking, and cowering is heartbreaking. I realize that there is likely much more to the story, but he sounds frightened. If his perceptions are distorted by his failing mental acuity, and if his reasoning and judgment are growing impaired, your father may need nothing more than compassionate accommodation of his dignity.
Take care..
Solstice
> Accepting my role as partime caregiver for my octogenerian Dad has led me to a few unexpected epiphenae... The latest is his overreactions to questions about his behavior as if it threatened his very existence... I am tired of his screaming at me while he shakes like a cowering dog...
>
> He gets into this mode in miliseconds (a really short amount of time, bordering on instantaneous)... The mystery of this behavior is actually that it is so pervasive... I have followed the information trail backwards from episodes and found a common thread...
>
> I found that coercion or violence could have been averted by the knowledge of 1 or 2 simple missing facts... I started wondering how many murders could have also been averted thoughout history for the same reason...
>
> Aren't crimes of passion rife with arrogance on the part of perpetrator??? Isn't a streetwise definition of arrogance being vain-ignorance??? So the pattern is developing that crime might be rooted in arrogance...
>
> After all, knowledge trumps ignorance, especially ignorance that causes death(s)...
>
> Rod
Posted by 64bowtie on January 4, 2011, at 2:01:07
In reply to Re: Ignorance might be killing my Dad, posted by Solstice on January 3, 2011, at 20:39:00
.....I try Solstice, I really try...
No one has much to say about my Dad that could do anything for his dignity... I, however, set my life in motion at age 8, driven solely by HOPE, to find a way to cure my emotionally ailing Dad...
Today, in his waining years, I am still driven by HOPE for that goal... I am his namesake and born on his birthday... I was his 27th birthday present...
Rod
This is the end of the thread.
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