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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by floatingbridge on June 22, 2011, at 12:30:02
Are you really Dr. Bob? Or maybe Obi Wan Kanobe. (May I state my preference for the second? )
Your ability to motivate me is impressive, as is your intergalactic internet booty-kicking power.
Whoever you, you are far more clever and powerful than I had ever imagined.
But don't worry. Your secret is safe with
me. And please believe trust I have been working the phone on behalf of my mental health this morning. So don't zap me through my phone :-)(Btw, how are things?)
Posted by sleepygirl2 on June 22, 2011, at 21:31:48
In reply to sleepygirl,, posted by floatingbridge on June 22, 2011, at 12:30:02
> Are you really Dr. Bob? Or maybe Obi Wan Kanobe. (May I state my preference for the second? )
geez no, obi wan would be nice though.
hmmm...maybe chewbacca?whose identity would I like to assume?? lemme think....
I already was buffy the vampire slayer.
I can't think of anyone else just now.
> Your ability to motivate me is impressive, as is your intergalactic internet booty-kicking power.I'm actually quite tame.
>
> Whoever you, you are far more clever and powerful than I had ever imagined.amazing right??! ;-)
> But don't worry. Your secret is safe with
> me. And please believe trust I have been working the phone on behalf of my mental health this morning. So don't zap me through my phone
:-)excellent :-)
>
> (Btw, how are things?)I wrote a little up above. I am working myself to the point of exhaustion. I am so anxious most of the time that I don't know how it is that I manage to step out my front door. That's not so new, but I don't have nearly the resolve that I used to. I feel a bit "disabled". I suppose I manage some sort of front, though I imagine on some days it's not very convincing. Maybe everyone manages a front though? but I hope that most people don't have to.
I keep fantasizing about doing some type of work, alone, with paper of some sort. (don't ask me what, that's the extent of the thought, but it helps a bit)My sister is coming to my therapy appointment tomorrow. I need to talk to her about stuff.
I don't know if I'll tell her about my semi-suicide attempt. I don't want to upset her. I went to the cardiac unit for a couple of days after it, but I don't know what constitutes "serious", but I know what constitutes "stupid".
I didn't really mean to do anything. My judgment kinda sucked, and it's not something I'd ever like to do again.I sort of feel like I am just an angst filled, pessimistic person, and that nothing will change that. I'd like to believe that meds will make it better. They help anyway. Regardless of that question I couldn't cope very well with getting off them at this point.
eh, there's more, but that's enough
Posted by floatingbridge on June 22, 2011, at 22:38:54
In reply to Re: sleepygirl, » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on June 22, 2011, at 21:31:48
Chewbacca will do for today, yeah? But as you and Phillipa posted, pretending is exhausting. I just happen to be going through a star wars thing because my son is--he hasn't seen the original, but star wars is pretty difficult to avoid. But when I contemplate his fascination with the major characters, well, they are pretty iconic and sturdy.
>
> I wrote a little up above. I am working myself to the point of exhaustion. I am so anxious most of the time that I don't know how it is that I manage to step out my front door. That's not so new, but I don't have nearly the resolve that I used to. I feel a bit "disabled". I suppose I manage some sort of front, though I imagine on some days it's not very convincing. Maybe everyone manages a front though? but I hope that most people don't have to.That's something I like about that wish that maybe most people don't have to struggle so much. It's a lovely wish. Very often I am very envious and angry.
I know intellectually that there is a front--but maybe that's intellectual BS. Maybe some people just are. I try. But that defeats the entire project, trying to be oneself. That's exhausting, too. I don't know why you need to struggle, or anyone else. It's not like it's your fault because, well, let me say I had my wish.... I'm not sure what it would be. That no one struggle.
> I keep fantasizing about doing some type of work, alone, with paper of some sort. (don't ask me what, that's the extent of the thought, but it helps a bit)
Dear golly, how much interpersonal stuff do you need to do for your work? I absolutely imagine you with paper and quiet time, solitude, not so much alone.
>
> My sister is coming to my therapy
appointment tomorrow. I need to talk to her about stuff.
> I don't know if I'll tell her about my semi-suicide attempt. I don't want to upset her. I went to the cardiac unit for a couple of days after it, but I don't know what constitutes "serious", but I know
what constitutes "stupid".
> I didn't really mean to do anything. My judgment kinda sucked, and it's not something I'd ever like to do again.SG, I'm sorry. Yeah, I think of it like handing someone a box covered in barb wire. Who would I want to share news like that with? Then again, depending on who she is, maybe she knows something by omission. Some people would really want to know that happened to you and be strong enough to carry it. Like being given a missing piece to a puzzle. Do you know what I mean?
>
> I sort of feel like I am just an angst filled, pessimistic person, and that nothing will change that. I'd like to believe that meds will make it better. They help anyway. Regardless of that
question I couldn't cope very well with
getting off them at this point.
Do you feel guilt over medication (I do--like I shouldn't need it--though I don't
think I apply that to others. I save the
best criticism for myself), or just wtf, who wants to be taking some half-*ss stuff
and still feel crummy? Then there's sadness.
>
> eh, there's more, but that's enough
>
Yes. And I'm sorry, too, sg. It's sounds. like more than enough already.
>I didn't comment earlier about your dad. I've read these threads all out of order and interrupted. My dad had cancer,
too. I spent time with him and did my
best to be there. Our relationship wasn't stellar. I always felt I knew him, but he didn't know me. And when he was dying, I protected him. I think I was so successful that it pisses me off that he didn't see the trouble I had.I think that's enough for me, too. For tonight.
Btw, I am seeing the/my pdoc on Friday. He thinks he's still my pdoc. Actually he's acting like it until I finally say otherwise. I guess that's his job, lucky guy. I've fired him three times in the last two months. That's actually progress for me. I usually endure silently.
So thanks for the nudge. I'm still off meds, and the world just spins. My mil telling me it's menopause. I just feel like the perfect storm right now.
(A great book--the perfect storm--not so great movie. The guys that fish out of Boston are not like George Clooney. Who is?
Have you ever imagined who would play you in a movie?Much love,
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Posted by floatingbridge on June 23, 2011, at 10:10:48
In reply to Re: sleepygirl, » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on June 22, 2011, at 21:31:48
Just a thought, could you work less on recovery for a bit? A ridiculous question given your father and other things. My/the pdoc used to tell me to not 'work' so 'hard'.
Maybe that's where self care comes in, I suppose. When I was in Kaua'i and made to relax, there was a hot tub there.
I know it sounds very white wine cooler, but a few minutes felt really good. I have my bathtub here, and the walls have paint swatches on them and it is
difficult not to think of cleaning and not cleaning, but I have started bathing more than showering.A silly thing. That and restarting painting my toenails. My son picked the lastest color, a creamy navy blue.
Be well today, sweetie.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on June 23, 2011, at 11:52:08
In reply to Re: sleepygirl, » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on June 23, 2011, at 10:10:48
I'm not really working too much on recovery, but on getting through the day.
I only do therapy once a week, Pdoc once a week too for now. That's an hour per week.
The work thing isn't going to change anytime soon.
55 hours a week devoted to work and commuting.
Posted by floatingbridge on June 23, 2011, at 12:50:16
In reply to Re: sleepygirl, » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on June 23, 2011, at 11:52:08
Oh. 55 hours. O.K. I get it now.
Do you drive alone? (Not a trick question.)
The 55 hour thing (plus a few others) are wearing my husband down. His company still funds a vanpool, so at least he isn't physically driving all the time. He can nap, chat, or zone on music.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on June 23, 2011, at 18:49:48
In reply to Re: sleepygirl, » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on June 23, 2011, at 12:50:16
I drive alone.
vroom, vroom
busy, busy
Posted by floatingbridge on June 25, 2011, at 10:50:15
In reply to Re: sleepygirl, » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on June 23, 2011, at 18:49:48
A New Yorker cartoon:
A random city street corner. A casually dressed woman holds her hand up in the 'halt' position to a man in a suit:
Excuse me sir--do you have a minute to listen to the dream I had last night?
Here's to a good weekend for you.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on June 26, 2011, at 0:07:36
In reply to weekend :P » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on June 25, 2011, at 10:50:15
Thanks fb :-)
The latest involved dogs on the loose and a disappearing fabricated world, created like in some science fiction movie.
Dreams are funny, I like to hear people's dreams.
This is the end of the thread.
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