Posted by Roo on August 23, 1999, at 7:56:55
In reply to Re: Depression and Work, posted by JohnL on August 23, 1999, at 3:54:59
I agree that this is a really interesting topic.
I sometimes wonder if the reason I haven't been
much of an "achiever" in the career world
is my depression. I wonder if it's the reason I've
stayed in a totally unfulfilling job for the last
5 years. I know it's a lack of confidence, but sometimes
I also worry that if I took a job where I'd actually
have to think and use my brain that I wouldn't be
able to do it. Sometimes, when I think about it
logically, I think it makes absolutely no sense at
all that I'm doing mindless, meaningless work. Why?
I'm smart, creative, conscientious....
I don't know--career stuff has always opened up a
whole area of sadness and helplessness for me. I
want so badly to have work I love, but I keep getting
in my own way. I don't believe in myself.
On a more positive note, this is starting to change.
I'm just now starting to believe that I can have a
happy work life, and I think now that I'm starting
to believe it can (and will) be mine, it'll eventually
happen. (I'm also putting this into action--applying
for jobs that I'm actually excited about every week).Another more practical thing about work and depression
that's hard is changing meds--it's always a scarey
and unpredictable thing, and I really get anxious
about how I'll treat people--my co-workers, if I'll
snap at them over the littlest thing.
I find that work is very stressful if I'm not on
medication. I can't concentrate, I cry easily, get
offended easily, and don't want to do a damn thing.I've never told a supervisor about my depression.
I feel like this is still a very misunderstood
disease and I don't trust people who are not familiar
with the disease personally (either in themselves
or with a loved one) can really understand. I fear
judgement too much--if I told a supervisor I was too
depressed to come to work, I just imagine them thinking
that's a lame ass excuse. I might think the same
thing if I didn't have depression and didn't know what
it was like.
poster:Roo
thread:10514
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990914/msgs/10542.html