Posted by Kathie on April 20, 2000, at 22:18:59
In reply to I am soooooooooo sick of this, posted by allisonm on April 20, 2000, at 20:45:38
alisooon,
I don't think you should beat yourself up! You have been through hell, and maybe you just haven't made it all the way back yet. My goodness, to end a marriage and lose a mother in the same month!! The average person takes at least two years to recover from a death....divorce is very much like a death, death of a relationship, death of a way of life, death of a future...to experience 2 of them at one...whew! You should not expect miracles from yourself. I have been divorced once, at a very young age, and even that has taken years to recover from, inspite of the fact that I have been remarried for 15 years!! I don't care how good or horrible your mother was, to lose her would leave a huge gapping whole in your soul. We are all attached to our mother's in a way words can't really explain. I don't think all is lost for you, but you have a particularly deep hole to dig your way out of....don't expect so much from yourself. I understand how annoying, maddening, frustrating it can be when your "brain" or "body" does not behave the way you want it too. I have been where you are...sans the divorce and death....mine was a wayward daughter. She turned 12 and became any parents worst nightmare...drugs, sex, booze, crime, school dropout....pregnant at 16...in and out of Juvenile jail...in the state's care....blah blah..and on and on it went for friggin year after year...she finally gave her 3 year old up a year ago...she is 21...unemployed...and wanting to move back in with us (urg!!), so she can get a job and move out. Right now she is living with her 25 year old boyfriends parents! And so it continues...... I believe she was the cause of my depression, that and the fact me and my husband couldn't figure out how to deal with her and ended up separated twice over it....
I fully expect to remain on anti-depressants for a long time to come. And at the moment I want to, I am scared to even consider trying to make it on my own. I have another daughter who is 14, and although not anything like her sister...there are moments...flashbacks to the first one!! And just for the record, so you don't think maybe its me, my middle daughter who is 18 has been a joy!! I did something right with her!!Anyways I have been rambling on and on...sorry about that, I just wanted you to know I have a little idea what you are going through and can relate, but I really think you should relax and not expect your brain to recover so quickly from such a huge life changing experience like you've experienced. Try and accept that your body is not going to respond the way you want it too. Sometimes the frustration of not having control of your own body can bring on depression, you feel depressed cuz you don't think you should feel so lousy! It is hard I know, but don't push yourself. Whether you are willing to admit it to yourself or not, it sounds like you really haven't finished grieving over your mother or your marriage. Time heals all wounds...but sometimes we just have to have some help to get us there. Give yourself time. Hope my rambling helps.
Kathie
poster:Kathie
thread:30771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000420/msgs/30774.html