Posted by Kath on July 16, 2000, at 21:22:44
In reply to Re: }}Kath, posted by tdaneen on July 13, 2000, at 14:01:38
Hi tdaneen - I'm going to answer through your post.............
> Well Mom, I'm ok. You don't really want the "waah, waah, ...oh-woe-is-me crap," do you? ;^)............... Well why the heck not if you feel like it!!
> I am having a difficult time letting go of my husband. On one hand I really believe he is an emotionally abusive sob, and on the other I still harbor some tiny little piece of glitter that he really isn't bad, it has been me. If I hadn't been sick, if I had been more understanding, if I..if...if, if....BLECH!!
...............As far as I remember, most marriage ceremonies still include "in sickness & in health"? "What if I had/hadn't...." "I wish I'd just...." "If only I'd...." were my constant "mental tapes" during the ending time of my 1st marriage. I now realize that I felt I needed my ex-husband to feel OKAY - to feel that I was an okay person; to fell that I was loveable; to feel safe, etc. etc. I NEEDED him or thought I did. It was so scarey to think of being without him. I'd cling to 2 minutes of niceness with him & ignore all the other weeks or whatever of shit (!!). (Piss off is fine with me!)
> I just don't know why I can't just tell him to (and please pardon me when I say this) Piss off! I don't think telling him that has anything to do with our daughter. I mean, it isn't like I am the kind of person who would keep him from his daughter, or use her against him.
.............What date is your orinigal post about the details? I never did read it. I don't know if he was using the part about your daughter to convince you to stay?? When my husband wanted to leave, I used anything I could possibly think of the make him stay!! I was so co-dependent & felt I'd just fall apart without him. I'd like to read your post with the details.
I just don't want him to mess with my perceptions of reality anymore, but I still can't let go.
............. Are you having counselling? It's what helped me finally TAKE CARE OF MYSELF & get out of a terribly emotionally abusive relationship. I went to a psychiatrist before, during & after my break-up with my ex-husband. I don't know where you live, but in Ontario, Canada, psychiatrists are covered by our government medical coverage. If you are SO linked to him, it would probably really help you to have some professional support if you don't & if you can afford it. I sure needed it; if I hadn't had it I might have still been with him or back & forth with him leaving - coming back - leaving etc. You really need to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. To do what YOU NEED. It's very hard. My thoughts & prayer are with you.
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> I hope is going well with you and yours. Has your son had any success with finding a suitable shelter, or work? I've been thinking of you................I'm up & down. Today was a bit of a down day. My son refuses to go to a shelter & said he was looking for a job today, but probably wasn't. He has been staying most nights on the back patio in a sleeping bag overnight. One night it rained & I heard him crying out there at 5 in the morning. That was very hard! We let him sleep out there because I don't think I can kick him out onto the streets. If the worst happened to him I couldn't live with that. The night after the rain, he was allowed to put up a small tent. We also told him that that was the only "taking care of" that we were providing for him. If we did anything else, it was at our whim & he should consider it a bonus & not something that we HAD to do or that would happen all the time. It feels pretty good. We also told him the conditions under which we'd be prepared to talk about him coming back in...we'd need to feel assured that he was in a position to begin paying us back the stolen money immediately. We also said if he did come back in, we wouldn't be taking any nonsense & it would be very easy for him to get kicked out in future. No more 3 strikes & you're out - more like 1 strike!! Thanks for caring.
Keep in touch. Kath
poster:Kath
thread:40308
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000708/msgs/40683.html