Posted by Wendy B on April 7, 2001, at 10:30:12
In reply to obsessing - help, help!!!!, posted by avoet on April 7, 2001, at 0:34:10
Amanda,
You gotta breathe! Start doing some deep breathing exercises right away - they relly do help. If you've never taken yoga, there are probably some web sites that explain it.
This obsession will not ruin your relationship; you have a lot left in the med arsenal that could really help you out in this distressing time. I know just how you feel. I can't stop obsessing sometimes about the 'other lover,' although now for me it's the current lover since in January I was 'dumped' for the first time in my life. I am in a lot of pain, grieving old losses from very early in life. I do believe that our childhood experiences affect everything that we are now, and that our symptoms are rooted in that childhood soil...
Our symptom - anxiety - is caused by some kind of deep fear. The 'fight-or-flight' theories seem to make sense to me. As for what this other lover represents to you (no problem if I am way off base here), I offer you some questions. I am no expert, but just a concerned 'invisible friend.' You are a flesh-and-blood human being, trying to have a sex life, and in total anxiety freakout mode. I have been there too, with 8-hour panic attacks when my marriage fell apart.
What have your relationships with women been like? Do you have any long-term friendships with other women? Did someone, a trusted female figure, betray you in your childhood years?
What was your childhood like? Who did you trust and who let you down?
Why is it so difficult for you, that your fiance has had another woman? What scares you in your current sex-life (besides the obsessing) ? Do you really deep-down trust your fiance? Has he ever let you down in a big way?
Maybe the answers to some or 1 of these questions will lead you down a path that makes sense for your situation.
The previous posting said you should be talking to a p-doc right away, I agree, even if you have to get him/her right now on the phone, even though it's the weekend. The symptoms are intolerable, and there are very quick-acting calmer-downers, like any of the benzos - xanax, for example. After you get through this tough obsessive time while on the meds, you can reassess, perhaps get more psycho-therapy to find out what your anxieties are about.
As for right now, some anti-anxiety med would probably be the way to go, there's no reason for anyone to suffer needlessly. Especially you, who have been so supportive of me and loads of other people on this great babble-board...
Let me know what happens as soon as you can, I wish you good health, as do many others,
Wendy> Someone must help me, everytime I try to have sex with my fiance, I think of him having sex with his ex-girlfriend. I cannot stop the thoughts. It is starting to hinder our sex life. I just started Geodon/ziprasidone but it is not helping yet. Could this be related to some other issue? I am getting married in two months, this is awful. Help.
>
> Amanda
poster:Wendy B
thread:59002
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010403/msgs/59017.html