Posted by LiLi80 on March 9, 2002, at 2:42:58
I am still waiting for my depression to stop or die down or anything. But nothing. I have taken med after med. I have seen a therapist and a pdoc, and a regular doc. I am starting DBT soon. But i am still suicidal. If nothing is working, then I knw I will kill myself. Yup got the plan too.
I am sick of this. I just want it to stop. I am sick of being told that I am torturing myself with this depression "story". How can a suicidal person be torturing themselves? Unless that person has some dream or fantasy of the wonderful afterlife that they think they will be getting to faster. I dont have such dillusiones. I just want it to stop.
I want to stop feeling like this. I know how to get past the pdocs and stuff, i've learned how to be mentally ill and still keep my sanity. I've heard: the hang in there and find God crap. I'm sick of this, I just want it to stop.
I have suicidal ideations all the time. I told my therapist and pdoc this. They know my thoughts are constant, but they cant just lock me up forever. I have never been locked up ..oh excuse me "helped". I will never be locked up. What is the point of it? I am very convinced that a person can not get better in a vacuum.
One cannot take the world away forever, I will just have to learn how to live in the world after the pdocs make themselves feel all smart and release me. Oh am i anger? you say. Hell yeah. EVer heard of depression? Anger is a main ingredient. My story has been posted before. I am not torturing myself , if I just want it to stop.
poster:LiLi80
thread:97164
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020307/msgs/97164.html