Posted by jay2112 on October 17, 2020, at 5:34:10
(Warning SI and triggers.._
Well, I went to the neurologist today. (He is an awesome doctor and nice person.)
This was my second visit. We talked about my many years of psych meds. One revelation that I made is my current hyper-anxiety (which has resulted in psychois...I am bp2)...and even though that nice little book, DSM, doesn't make any connection between psychosis and *SEVERE* anxiety, there is. It is almost prodromal. (Precipitates). Especially for me. The odd thing is, after 25+ years of antipsychotic trial failures, I have now found one (and I hope this doesn't jinx me ), but Latuda, about a month in my being on it, has, for once in almost 20 years, has actually removed about 80 or so percent of my deep, primal psychotic fear. I used to be not even barely fathom leaving the apartment, never mind holding a job, and I would lay in bed, staring at everything...the wall for 10 munutes...the ceiling for another 10...or I would sleep...20 hour marathons. Everything was just decay, sad, terrifying. Traditional mood-stabalizers were almost a joke. They plunged me into horrifying despair. Besides Latuda, only one other drug has really helped me..Lyrica, which is used in bipolar, and is absolutely the most pleasant drug (for me anyways), because it MELTED most anxieties. But, I became tolerant to it :(
Lyrica was what the benzo's used to do...allow me to relax. But, I also too became tolerant to benzo's quite quickly.
So, my neuro said I was showing signs, that all seemed to start years ago, of pseudo-Parkinson's disease. My muscles are always so, so sore and very stiff...I have the 'mask' blank-face stare...I have no balance (I now can't even ride a bike), have the trembles constantly, the only think (olfactory) I can smell is what hovers like a foul smell of gasoline...everyday..every minute..every second..and barely blink my eyes..and, even in 100 degree heat, am freezing cold,,(He had done all the tests with me, too) Plus, my anxiety (besides being psychotic at times) is so intense, I have nearly killed...HAVE pushed strangers in lines (lucky I didn't get arrested).. often, just yell out obscenities in public...and like I said, leave the house maybe once a week for food, or an appointment...most other times, laying in bed, frozen.
Almost all antidepressants have, consistently, brought me right back to psychotic fear. So..like I said though...only two meds have worked...Lyrica
and now, Latuda. (L words..lol.) BUT, Lyrica as I said, I am pooped out with.So, I want to try some alternatives. I don't know who else has the same dx, but with Latuda, and I won't drop that med as it is the on;y one to significantly help. Taurine has helped like Lyrica...but Taurine also pooped out. Sacrosine?? Help...
So, of I stay on those two meds (Like I said, the Lyrica pooped out..)
I was brought up to believe..
Belief that's failed me now
As Life goes from bad to worse
No philosophy consoles me
In a clockwork universe..........
~Neil Peart (1952-2020)
poster:jay2112
thread:1112287
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20200711/msgs/1112287.html