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Re: This website is full of copyright infringements

Posted by alexandra_k on October 21, 2018, at 20:10:24

In reply to Re: This website is full of copyright infringements, posted by alexandra_k on October 21, 2018, at 6:54:33

I don't really know what to say about why I didn't finish my thesis. I guess I keep trying out different versions.

I think, at the end of the day, my heart just went out of philosophy. I remember before I started my PhD I was thinking about Medicine. But I thought the UMAT involved math (the way the GRE did)...

I guess I didn't look into it properly? I just thought that there was no way... And when I expressed that nobody encouraged me to look into it more or whatever...

So I guess I thought my PhD was the thing for me to do... But the more I did that the more I wanted to do Med...

And I guess it doesnt' feel like sucking up or being a lackey when you feel like you are learning heaps from the people you want to be learning heaps from. I didn't start out with a supervisor picked out, though. The idea was for me to start and try and do my project with broad appeal and things were just supposed to work out (said the person who successfully supervised me with a previous project where he was happy with my output). But that didn't really work out... Because I didn't really take to the projects others were working on, and they didn't really take to what it was I was working on...

Anyway...

If I get to do it now, that's okay. I guess I've learned something about looking into things more (instead of assuming I can't do whatever). Also learned something about not everyone wants the same thing, so it's okay to shoot for what you want. Also learned that most people talk garbage mostly and also most people don't know what they are talkign about. Me included haha. You try out different things to see what seems to resonate... You try out different things with others to see what they mirror...

My supervisor was a deeply ethical man in some respects. He writes wonderfully, at times. There is an honest, open, and forthright style that I like and enjoy very much and try to emulate. He doesn't have time for some of the social nicety things (dresses like a hobo and so on) and that was also something that I respected, actually. This idea that you can't tell a person's... Integrity? The things that matter from such superficialities as how they are dressed, their accent, or how they say 'how do you do?' Though... I suppose I am coming to be of two minds about that.

I guess the thing with supervisors is that you (as a student) have to deal with their own insecurities. When supervisors give you a hard time it is because they are sort of... Personally suffering thinking they are accountable for your work. You sort of have to reassure them that your work is okay. They are your worst enemy... If you aren't your worst enemy. Not out of maliciousness... Out of fear. Being charitable here. Yeah. I do see that. It was hard for the department because it didn't look like i was engaging in / with any of the work that any of them (or any of their friends) were doing. I picked a topic and researched it and I wasn't engaging with anything... And the main strength of the department was that it was fairly bolstered by a tight group of people who really engaged with each other (and a genuine aspect to that and not merely a token referencing but a genuine engagement with and interaction with ideas).

It was partly my insecurity... People working on game theory and high level logic and biology... And my background was in psychology with no math. So I didn't think I had anything particularly to offer... So I worked on something always feeling like what I was saying was pretty rubbish insofar as it was glaringly obvious to everyone I hadn't done Biology 101 and so on...

Anyway...

I truly don't understand how it can have taken me so very many f*ck*ng years to get the equivalent of a secondary school education in math / the sciences. And that... Still only barely. It's a f*ck*ng joke. Our education system.

But the thing I've realised really is that we are not egalitarian peoples. We don't believe in the fundamental equality between people in the respects that matter. So much energy and effort is spent on this game of positioning oneself on a hierarchy. Every interaction is spent with this initial thing... Like dogs do... Of trying to assess whether one can get one up over on / whether one will submit to... It's an awful game and I don't want to play it.

Of course I understand there is a time and a place for doing what you are told when you are told because you are told. But that's because there are good reasons (e.g., because there are structures who ensure that the people put in the position of power / responsibility is competent and acting in that capacity). Not 'because I'm your Mother and I say so' or 'because I'm your lecturer and I say so' or whatever. Especially when the structures here seem more set up to reward people having children for the wrong reasons and hiring people as lecturers who... I don't know... I don't know what academia is about.

I know we are all over the Queensland university rating system, here, becuase it gives us 1 university in the top 100 or some such. But it's meaningless...

Look at the work they are doing and the work their students are doing and look at the number of students they get through and where those students are at now...

Kiwisaver is an interesting place to start learning about finance.

I'm glad I have this summer to look into financial stuff and immigration and so on... Requirements for various things...

At the end of the day we don't have the laws to protect our people and it isn't likely that business etc will allow us to develop them, anytime soon. That is... Unfortunate... I also think that there is something intrinsically indecent about hirarchy / lack of egalitarianism. But I realise that is controversial. It would be good if there was a place for hierarchical people to put themselves if they want to behave like that with consenting others, I suppose...

(I don't know that it is possible to consent to that)

Anyway...

I also think that just like how there are awful people of all races there are awful people / places of all countries. I'm all right... Just keep on keeping on...

Yeah.

 

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poster:alexandra_k thread:1101335
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