Posted by greyskyeyes on September 27, 2005, at 16:24:52
In reply to OMG, my daughter is going down the wrong path, posted by woolav on September 23, 2005, at 16:52:56
woolav, don't panic. It's a phase many teens go through - I'm not condoning it in any manner, mind you. I'm ashamed to admit that I shoplifted myself when I was 14-16. Often it's a result of peer pressure, a way of fitting in. I did it because my 2 best friends urged me to - they did it themselves. It was also a rebellion thing... I often took stuff my parents would never buy for me and I couldn't afford, and got satisfaction that they would hate a) my having it and b) the fact that I'm stealing. There's also that heart-pounding thrill that You Could Be Caught... and pulling it off successfully is a bit of an ego rush - hey, I'm smarter than They are. Quite frankly it boosted my self-esteem (I had very low self-esteem, still do) to get away with it and also to get my friends' approval (you might want to discuss her choice of friends with her, BTW). It was more about that than about the material goods. Although deep down I always knew it was wrong and hated myself for doing it.
Again: I do not in any way, shape or form believe stealing (or seeking to get high) is right. It definitely needs to be nipped in the bud and therapy is a great idea. She and her therapist can work together to find the underlying reason behind it. The key is to let her know it's completely unacceptable, but you still love her and want to help her to resolve the problem. My parents didn't do that... they treated me like there was something fundamentally wrong with me and I was too ashamed to talk about it in my therapy at the time. It's only now (years later) that I've come to understand the underlying motives. It's VITAL that you don't treat her like a pariah.
Ack, I write novels. I didn't mean to ramble. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck.
~ grey
poster:greyskyeyes
thread:558606
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/560271.html