Posted by Lindenblüte on October 14, 2006, at 16:41:18
In reply to Re: My Daughter and her Love Interests, posted by Jost on October 11, 2006, at 17:35:49
Hi Joan,
I was a pretty awkward teenager. I gained 70 pounds one year and weighed a lot more when I was 16-17 than I do now. I couldn't get clothes at normal stores in the mall.I did have one bf in high school. It lasted about 4 months, and it was nice, until he crossed some boundary. I only recognized that boundary about a month ago, btw!
If she's motivated to lose weight, maybe you and she can participate in a more formal program together. Weightwatchers is nice, and the format where clients get support is very helpful (associated with better long-term outcomes than online www support). Even if she doesn't like fitness, she may enjoy going to fitness classes where there are people that aren't 17-year-old cheerleaders.
The first time I ever enjoyed anything remotely athletic was when I was in college and was forced to take this aerobics class. There were all kind of shapes and ages there. A lot of them said nice things to me like- it's nice to see you here every week, or you have so much energy! And it's nice to have a group of people who look like you, and who are less fit than you, so that you don't always feel like a failure.
Clothing is hard. Glamour magazine has a nice section where they dress different bodies in different versions of the latest trends. Also, they might do a before and after, and show how picking the right match of jeans, shoes and a top can make the difference between looking flabby and looking sleek. I'm always amazed at how a simple change can make 20 pounds of difference! Offer to help her pick out a bra that will provide flattering support- something practical- and then buy something fun too- a cute pair of undies! Every girl feels more cute and confident when her undies are cute!
Lastly, tell her that boys are never as critical about body types as women are! Tell her that she can look 10 pounds slimmer and 50% more confident if she keeps her head up and her shoulders back (I started slumping because I didn't want people to notice that I had boobs).
As her mom, you are aware of these issues, which is wonderful. Ultimately, her body is her choice, and you should remind her that you love her no matter what size or shape she is. Focus on her talents, and her gifts. Tell her that confidence and smiles are the most attractive features any woman can wield. Ask her what would make her feel more confident- it might be something like a hair cut, or a new purse- and ask her if she'd be willing to learn some new fitness/eating habits in reward for a nice gift?
You know her better than I do- but if my mom had even once said something like- let's go get your haircut, or let's go exercise together, or go pick out a new outfit - referencing a fashion magazine, rather than her usual source of fashion advice (GRANDMOM!) (or do anything mother-daughter) it would have made me feel a lot more confident.
-Li :)
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:692888
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/child/20050817/msgs/694813.html