Posted by Racer on September 24, 2005, at 12:58:40
In reply to Re: Emotional Eating BIG TIME! :( » Racer, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 24, 2005, at 2:29:55
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> And the sad part is, is that I need to care. I want to care, but for some reason I do not think I'm 'good enough'
> That's a messed up thinking pattern if I ever felt one. Some days i just want to go back to bulumia!
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>Even though I know, intellectually, that I am not "fat" and all that, I still have this kind of "fat mentality." There's a big part of me that feels as though, now that I've gained so much weight, I'm not as competant, not as capable, as I was at my lower weight. Even though I know that being anorexic is not the same as being successful, it's still there in me somewhere that being heavier means not being as good.
It feeds into a sort of endless loop with the depression, and sometimes I feel as though I'm punishing myself by eating. So, I start restricting again, and can't restrict enough to get my weight back down, so I feel like more of a failure, and then get more depressed, so I do less, so I feel like more of a failure, so I get more depressed, etc.
It sure would be easier not to get treatment, huh?
And yet, I'm the first to say that the skinny celebrities are not as attractive as real women, with real curves. I'm the one who used to lecture the teenage girls at work about NOT starving themselves, about trying to be STRONG, rather than thin. Who am I? I don't know, I guess it's true for everyone except me...
poster:Racer
thread:558827
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20050314/msgs/558954.html