Posted by floridagal on May 28, 2006, at 11:59:42
In reply to Re: Desperately need some help for my daughter, posted by fca on May 28, 2006, at 10:30:08
My Dad is a pastor, and he does pastoral counseling, and my mom leads all kinds of women's groups, so I'm absolutely sure they thought they should know all of the answers too. So you are not alone in that.
When I was at your daughter's point, I really appreciated my parent's love and support. I was however, embarrased, humiliated, depressed, and anxious, and therefore, I was hard pressed to be so vulernable to so many health care professionals, much less my parents. I think I had had all the sharing I could take within the walls of the hospital, so when it came to talking to my parents, I was reluctant to say much. Not because I didn't love them tremendously, but because I was mentally, spiritually, and emotinoally exhausted, and the other things I mentioned above. For me, the best thing my parents could do was just offer their love and support and tell me that they were there for me if and when I wanted to talk. Granted, I didnt' want to talk for a year or so, but the key thing was that I was talking to someone, and not keeping things inside. I would suggest asking your daughter how she would like you to be there for her, and don't be afraid to ask her what NOT to do, and what subjects are off limits to you. That way you will not risk pushing her away from you. My parents would usually just ask how I was doing and ask for an honest answer. And I would give them an honest answer as long as they didn't freak out and I knew that they would love and support me no matter what.
Unfortunately, my parents live on the opposite side of the country, so they were unable to participate in the family groups. I remember being sort of sad that they weren't there, even though I knew they couldn't be. I also suggest finding out when the family support groups for your daughter's IOP or whatever program she enters, and GO. Even if she might not want you to, at least it shows you care and that you want to help her.
Just another thought. The thing that really made me mad was when my parents asked what I ate. I felt like they were totally invading my privacy, and I think most people with ED's are like that. I would leave the subject of food to her docs, and try to focus on other things.
So....I can't think of anything else, but if I do, I'll let you know. It's nice to be on the other side of this now, and hopefully someday your daughter will be too.
EJJ
poster:floridagal
thread:649339
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20051009/msgs/649697.html