Posted by Jost on August 21, 2006, at 0:29:51
In reply to Re: Goals for Saturday [update] and Sunday » Jost, posted by llrrrpp on August 20, 2006, at 14:08:49
I wrote my co-worker an email to that effect.
Unfortunately, she's both more and less than a co-author. I need her a whole lot more than she needs me-- let's put it that way.
Unless some form of self-interest on her part coincides with my self-interest in this project-- and my self-interest unf. is much more--or deeper-- than hers-- I'm screwed.
Not that I doubt her intentions--if she exactly has them-- but they don't carry her that far. Although I do wonder when people don't bring this up-- after having made representations to the contrary--until they moment they're leaving-- or I bring it up. The ad-hocness of her reasons bothers me. Most people try to make it some obscure necessity, or some compelling out-of-their control force.
Either way, it's so the opposite of the way I am-- that I never quite believe that people are being calculating, or not doing their utmost to meet their commitment. But it is really obvious that they see me as pretty expendable, not in a mean way, just in a zero-sum way, where they're more determined (in a probably very good way) to be one, despite my then being zero, than I have to make it the other way around-- even if it should go the other way, for many reasons.
It's no use getting mad. Or, I should say, staying mad. It doesn't work for me. It does boil up every so often, and then I squelch it. It's about me and my work-- and I guess it's hard to feel that it's that important.
But I have to get more focussed on doing what I need to do, internally (ie working), and trying to put a little more pressure-- ie some--I mean being honest that I"m not happy, but not as if I'm mad-- that she did say she would do more, and that I expect her to do it. But if she doesn't, well, I'm disappointed. Period. Then move on.
I guess? I'm not good at this sort of thing.
So where are you now?
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:676622
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060725/msgs/678640.html