Posted by Jost on October 11, 2006, at 17:15:42
In reply to Re: Trying to Finish Things » Phillipa, posted by Lindenblüte on October 11, 2006, at 8:37:45
Hi, Linden.
No, it's not like that, for me, though-- it's not a chore, or only very very rarely-- and that is terrible, when it happens-- However, it *is* a struggle. But I like struggle-- sometimes it's a losing struggle, as now, particularly as now-- that I don't like. But when it's a struggle toward vision, or some greater understanding or clarity, or with a certain soundless music, or something, then I like it. Maybe right now I don't love it-- which isn't good-- but I don't always have control over circumstances-- you can't always be in love-- that only happens in lucky eventualities-- which aren't mine, at this moment. Maybe I"ll find a way to fall in love again.
It's not that I do one part and move on to the next; I do it all, and more of it all, and then redo it, and redo it, and make it more (if I can). Many times, that doesn't work and things get lost and something else needs to be found.
The moments of insight, or revelation, are brief but even the small ones go a long way. but then they fall away too.
So I don't know. I wish I hadn't had a whole year of doing nothing that I could keep-- that's really disturbing, and hasn't happened before. But maybe it doesn't matter-- since no one knows or cares what I"m doing except myself. I do hate to think of a whole year of blank nothingness-- which it seems.
To me-- not to you.
But we're different that way.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:692233
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/693901.html