Posted by rainbutterfly on October 15, 2006, at 16:55:21
In reply to Boundaries, long, old stuff :( possible trigger.), posted by rainbutterfly on October 14, 2006, at 18:13:37
ClearSkies and Phillipa, thank you both for your kindness,
under a tree,
butterflyTrees are strong. I have always loved trees, and climbing them. And flying near them. I am questioning every damn thing I post (again) but I know my reality. Sometimes I have to do what is safest. For me.
If someone looks for something hard enough, someone might just find it. Even if it is NOT there :(
I said it before. I am ONLY going to read posts by people I trust. Or people who haven't hurt me. I wish others would do the same. There are some who I have no desire to communicate with ever again, on any level, however small or limited, so I see NO point in reading any of their posts. I am tired of being triggered. And I own my stuff. It is ME who is triggered by some. It is ME who finds some VERY VERY scary. A few might find me scary. That is THEIR stuff. Many many people find me safe,kind, sweet, intelligent even, (grrr) and as Phillipa said, delicate and fragile (how different from "weak".. and yet interchangeable. Just from a kinder perspective. Perhaps. ) So what else to do but avoid them totally. To completely avoid the people who scare me. Too bad we MIGHT post in the same place. I wish it wasn't so. This time I am going to stick to it. Stick to avoiding what hurts, angers, confuses, and scares me. Stick to avoid what makes me feel of little value. I KNOW I am not "worthless". not that anyone has said I am. Apart from me. But I NEED to avoid those who make me feel that way.
I have been all over the place like a freakin yo yo. I hope no one else has EVER said that. But I do now know.
PS dysteleological (sp) I did read that. And I might have posted it in a haiku, being unaware of a patent on the word (?) (I have known of this place for a LONG time (since summer 04 I think, or before that) and occasionally read some posts) And I found (it) amusing. Little things perhaps. But it gave me a smile, in a good way, at the time, if I recall. Maybe I recall incorrectly. I am totally confused. But things will get better. There have to be some good T's out there. I persuaded my friend(s)? today to see a T... I think.... if we both make the calls etc. we can support each other. If she/he/they don't make the calls, though, I still will.
And I am finding it ok to change some details if I NEED TO> For MY safety.
Posting without checking. This stuff is over now. I am avoiding what is to me, unneccesary and unproductive conflict and hurt. And it took me a long time to learn that lesson. No point in blaming me for that though. I did the best I could at the time with the skills I had. Can anyone do more>????
Rhetorical question.
Adios
poster:rainbutterfly
thread:694823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/695074.html