Posted by CeeSea on May 25, 2004, at 8:59:32
In reply to Re: guess i should introduce myself? » CeeSea, posted by partlycloudy on May 25, 2004, at 8:19:49
partlycloudy
i have a friend here who is half canadian, but no i guess you don't sound it! either does she to be honest.
The med I am on now helps, it really does, but it can never fix me. I have never been happy, among my diagnosies (I collect them like other people collect stamps!) is chronic dysthymia, which ends up as double depression (dysthymia plus major depressive episodes), so i have been at least mildly depressed my whole life. the one time i was close to happy i still had a really bad eating disorder. I don't really know why or how, other than that some of my family on both sides is nuts (ie locked up certifiable), and my father was pretty abusive (mostly emotionally) for about 15yrs. but my sister functions so i am not sure why i can't. i don't want to return to my old life, overachiever who looks happy and gets things done but hides a multitude of problems and feelings...but i also can't stay like this, totally useless, barely able to cope with a simple part time retail job and frequently a basket case. did I mention this is the 4th yr of this?
sorry, i sense that i am ranting. i keep a diary on my computer, and a record of letters to my penpal (who I am pretty open and honest with). writing it down does help.
my family are getting tired of this, i sense it. my father still pays for the psychologist, amazing as that is, mum is really supportive but i really regret the pain and worry i cause her. my fiance is starting to just not respond when i say i feel crap, or that i am worried about my actions, because he is so used to it. i have survived so far, i guess he figures i will keep surviving. i'm just so tired of it all.
sorry sorry sorry
whinging again
CC
poster:CeeSea
thread:350028
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20040420/msgs/350385.html