Posted by Jen2 on January 23, 2005, at 20:20:38
In reply to This place sounds like me, posted by Bedrock on December 16, 2004, at 12:51:11
Hi Bedrock,
> I was an A student through school, and now I am supposed to be writing a dissertation in an area of applied psychology. Since becoming severely depressed last year, I have been struggling with this task as well as married life, social life, domestic responsibilities (no kids, just cats), etc.
I have a similar situation. I am writing my masters thesis and have been doing very well in my program, but had a nervous breakdown last fall largely because of school (or rather, the issues that school brought up for me). I've got depression and anxiety and am now on Effexor. It's taken away much of my motivation so I don't know if/when I'm going to get the thesis done. I think that it's astonishing how often people doing graduate work end up medicated, and how often it's women in this situation.
> I have a lot of suicidal thoughts but haven't attempted. My major fantasies are 1)that I could come down with a debilitating disease that would take away all the pressures of day to day living (my true rational self knows this would not be a "break", it is an irrational longing) and 2) that I could pack my cats, some clothes, and run away from home. But I suspect that is hard to pull off at my age...Yes, I have had exactly the same thoughts. If only I could die, get hit by a bus or come down with some awful disease, or if only my partner/parent/sibling could come down with some awful disease, I might be spared having to deal with my life.
> The frustrating thing is that on paper my life is good.... Despite all that, I cannot shake the feeling that something is deeply wrong with me, mentally or physically or both. I cannot stop myself from crying from frustration because I feel too tired to live the life I signed up for, yet trapped in it at the same time. And even if there was a way out of it, I wouldn't know what else to do.I feel similarly. I have no idea what else to do with myself. I feel like I'm going to school in order to please other people. Stupid. I'm old enough to know better, but clearly I don't.
I hope that you are able to find something that works for you. The Effexor plus exercise is working for me, although it's really only been a couple of days of feeling better. I'm also getting psychotherapy, so I hope that helps. I also know that having the support of people on these boards is great. I wish you the best.
Jen
poster:Jen2
thread:430303
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20041227/msgs/446487.html