Posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 12, 2005, at 8:13:15
Hi all, My name is Debbie, I live in NY, was born and raised in Australia and ran away from there 11 years ago. Always ran... i thought i was looking for something all my life but recently discovered i was running from myself. For 30 of my 40 years i had no memory of the csa, neglect and abandonment. For the last 10 years i was denying it whilst being a drunk. Until 1 month ago when i got very drunk and punched a cop and landed myself in the lock-up.
That episode convinced me that i needed to face my biggest fears. I am seeing a T and taking Paxil though i havent been diagnosed yet. I seem to be getting much worse since i stopped denying.
I own a small trucking company that i sacrificed everything for 3 years ago and now i find myself
dropping customers left right and center. I dont want to work anymore. Last week i selfishly went out and bought a brand new Harley that i couldnt really afford cause i thought it might make me feel better ( actually, i feel it gives me back just enough strength to get out of bed each day).
I felt strong and independent when i was in denial and now i feel so weak and useless. Is it normal to feel a whole lot worse before ya can feel better? I have a gazillion questions?????
So glad i found this site.
P.S by the way i hadn't even heard of transference until i caught it in the 2nd session. What have i gotten myself into this time?
poster:FlyingKangaroo
thread:540572
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20050601/msgs/540572.html