Posted by Dinah on November 15, 2002, at 9:24:01
I've been on Risperdal for 10 days now in addition to my usual Klonopin and Depakote (ok, I took two days off to contrast and compare). I like it. I really really like it. I feel energized, I'm losing weight, and I'm feeling less agitated. It obviously has tranquilizing properties. There is no affect on orgasm (except maybe to enhance it a bit due to the energizing effects). And my biggest fear, that it would "normalize" my thinking, hasn't materialized. I still have the slightly off kilter, obsessing thoughts I always have.
The only little problem is that it seems to pull me away from my emotions quite a bit. Now that is a comfortable feeling in a way. But I already have a personal defense system that separates my emotions, and the risperdal causes the separation to be rather complete and extreme. It's comfortable, but I would like to feel things a bit more. If this is as good as it gets, I guess I can live with it, but I'd like to be more.
We were just starting some intense work in therapy aimed at getting in touch with and integrating my feelings. While it caused me some distress, I also think it was good useful work, and for the first time in a very long time I was learning how I felt about things as well as what I thought about them. Obviously, with the Risperdal added to my normal feelings of detachment, that work cannot continue. If my tharapist is still going to be around, I'd like to continue that work, and become a more integrated person than I have been.
The work is not smooth, and has to be interrupted often to deal with the effects of my cyclothymia, since I've always used therapy as an adjunct to medication in treating that. So I would have to stay off the Risperdal for a while, or maybe as was suggested to me, only take it when in meltdown.
So do I stay with the easy comfortable feeling, or decide to work a while longer at being something more than I currently am, an integrated "whole" person. That's my dilemma. Any thoughts?
poster:Dinah
thread:1555
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1555.html