Posted by ricardo on February 23, 2003, at 5:15:55
Hi
I do have fears, but... are can they be called panic attacs, clinically speaking? I'll tell what happens to me. It's actually a very specific situation. I'm a 38-year-old gay man. I've had two long relationships in my life. One that lasted 12 years and it was not my decision to break it, and another one that took almost 4 years, and it was my decision to break it after. Now I've been with someone else for a year. My boyfriend is a very difficult person and sometimes I suspect that he's bipolar. This should be the subject of another post... Anyway, my boyfriend has "disappeared" a couple of times. Not really for long periods, and he hadn't really disappeared. Only, he pretended he had disappeared by asking his co-workers to tell me he hadn't shown for work on two different occasions, after fights we'd had. He just has a cellular phone, so it's very easy for him to turn it off. No real telephone in his place... Well, on those two occasions, when he disappeared, I was really scared. I really freaked out! I thought about the most terrible possibilities concerning where he could be, or what could have happened to me. Lots of tragic stories came through my mind, and the more I thought about them, the more I panicked. All the time, it was rationally clear to me that he was just playing with me, but that stayed on a very superficial level. I just couldn't *emotionally* believe in my rational side! When he appeared, I had this big rage attack due to what he had caused me, but of course I was totally relieved to see him back. Now, every time I call him on his cellular and he doesn't answer within the the first two ringing tones, I kind of panic. I keep re-dialing one time after another, almost non-stop, until he answers it. It the phone is off, I'll keep calling it for as long as it takes, until it starts ringing again and he answers it. My boyfriend kind of knows how I feel about him turning off his phone, so he got used to using it against me whenever we have fights and he wants to "punish" me somehow. But, even *rationally* knowing about it, I do freak out just the same whenever he does that. Of course I've been discussing that with my therapist exhaustively, and I even tried AD's. None of them really helped me feel better in those situations (of him not answering the phone). My question is: should I consider that as being panic attacks and try to get specific treatment for that? I have to say that telling you about that is REALLY very embarrassing to me, since my *rational* side knows how stupid this all sounds!
Thanks, and I'll be looking forward to your support!
Ricardo
poster:ricardo
thread:203013
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030203/msgs/203013.html