Posted by WorryGirl on February 27, 2003, at 16:01:26
In reply to Re: The remarkable feat of depression, posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 27, 2003, at 8:59:44
> On a personal aside, I've always wondered what it must be like to experience mania. My entire life has been so mired in the fatigue and apathy of depressive fogginess that feeling on top of the world for a minute would be nice.
Eddie,
Thanks for your response. I wish you could experience a taste of the mania because it is quite pleasant and almost addicting (at least for me).The mania I've been experiencing is what has really kept me from feeling that I seriously need help. Others may experience it differently but for me, it is a great feeling. I can handle almost anything and somehow can forget that I've felt the opposite not so long before. I have more energy and don't seem to need as much sleep. On the bad side, I can get set off more easily and lash out.
When I'm feeling more depressed I feel very little value in myself as a human. I can go the whole day accomplishing very little. Interestingly, something that might upset me in my "manic" mood won't as much in this mood, because my feelings are dulled.
On a different note, my social anxiety remains regardless of whether I'm an in "up" or "down" mood. If I'm in an "up" mood and get or feel socially rejected, I am more likely to cry hysterically when I've left the situation. When depressed, again, I'm too numb to even cry.
Also, I've realized that my social anxiety is specific; that is, I only experience it when I am around people who I don't feel accept me or are responsive to me. It is the worst when I'm treated like I'm invisible yet seem to sense whispers and stares. At that point, if someone finally talks to me, I tremble and am tongue-tied. One of my most recent episode such as this ended up with me hearing a woman tell another woman that I was "Dum dum de dum". Needless to say I haven't felt comfortable in this specific social situation ever again and probably never will. I am the only one in this "mommy" group who is not smiled at or greeted when I arrive, even when I smile and sometimes say hello as I walk in. It truly hurts my feelings and I dread this event (for my toddler) so much that I start panicking days before.
Oops, sorry for rambling.
poster:WorryGirl
thread:203339
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030203/msgs/204417.html