Posted by fallsfall on August 16, 2003, at 15:30:49
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by stebby on August 16, 2003, at 13:47:29
I left my old therapist 2 months ago. When I drive through town, there is a short cut (it really is shorter) that goes past her office. I look in her windows to see if the lights are on. She has either been taking time off (not her vacation, I know when that was) or she's working with the lights off (seems strange to me).
I think about her whenever I am feeling bad - I used to be able to think about her and feel warm and fuzzy. Now I just feel empty. Today I was thinking about her, wanting to see her, but when I started thinking about the conversation I didn't want to see her any more. Sometimes I fantasize that I'm there to see my pdoc (across the hall) and she wants to talk to me. It is so hard to go from "The sun rises and sets on you" to "You hurt me so much I can't stand it" (some of that may be the black and white of my being Borderline).
In my early days with her she drove a green Windstar. The license plate had 7's, 8's, and 9's, but I didn't learn the order. It's easier to check the license plate than to see who is driving. She is on her 2nd car since that, and I don't know what kind of car it is. I wish I did, because then I could check for the car in the parking lot as well as the lights in the office.
She wasn't comfortable with my dependency, so from fairly early on she discouraged me from calling or scheduling extra appointments. There were some exceptions - at the end I could call if I needed to be admitted to the hospital (but I've gotten the impression that this probably isn't the way to go). I talked about my dependency during sessions a lot. So I don't really know the best way to handle it. I'm sure she'll be glad to talk about what the guidelines should be. I really think that it is different for each therapist.
My kids are 20, 18, 15. Only one left in high school! Your vacation sounds like fun. I hope you can immerse yourself in your family and in nature.
I worry about my mental state hurting my kids, too. They get whatever sanity I might have, the rest of the world can wait. I figure that if I obsess over it that I will have less sanity for them. I guess it is good incentive to get better.
All we can do is the best that we can do.
Have a good trip!
poster:fallsfall
thread:251041
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030814/msgs/251365.html