Posted by kara lynne on September 2, 2003, at 21:34:23
I posted this on social, but maybe it applies more here. I don't know. I guess I'm having questions about the therapy as well as the issue.
I went to therapy today. I have been having dreams lately uncovering an excruciating amount of grief. Today my therapist suggested that my unconscious is grieving my perimenopausal state; the reality that I may live this lifetime without the the family I always thought I would have. My nightmare is the loss of my dream.
The session is 45 minutes long. I left with this gaping wound open--out into the world, thank you very much, see you next week, where's my $85. I wonder if maybe I shouldn't even be talking about this at all to a male therapist.
Is there really any life I can have in the face of this grief? He said the options are limited (if I were to have my own child, which is what I really want); artificial insemination or an instant relationship and attempt at having a child, which is highly unlikely.
I'm in no position to pursue having a child at the moment, and I have about 45 biological minutes left to work everything out. Not to mention the idea that I'd have to get off most of my meds, which is in itself a daunting prospect.
I don't want to lose all hope. I know women are having babies later and later in life these days. On the other hand my dreams seem like they know an intolerable grief I am not willing to face. I can't live with that much grief. I don't want to.
And what is the point of uncovering this in a 45 minute session and walking out the door? I feel like calling him to set up another appt. for this week, but I kind of feel stupid about it. Wouldn't he have known to ask me if I wanted to see him sooner? Or is that supposed to be my call?
poster:kara lynne
thread:256479
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030814/msgs/256479.html