Posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 22:45:19
In reply to Karen's rant (this n's good), posted by Karen_kay on December 11, 2003, at 15:05:33
>>>I'm afraid I'll remember something horrible and I won't have any feelings about it at all. Or maybe I liked it. Or maybe I won't remember anything at all. Or maybe I remember something and I fall apart completely
<<<Karen, I have said all of the above and more. I think all of us have these fears. Especially if we don't remember the feelings and, since it happened more than once, if we somehow instigated or perpetuated it. My Therapist reminds me that children are NEVER at fault. They want love and attention and it is OK for them to "like" that part. There is no sexual pleasure as we know it as adults. This is hard to internalize.
Don't force your memories, trust what comes. I'm working on this too. The feeling of the other shoe about to drop is sometimes soo painful, I feel like going back to complete denial. Again, my Therapist reassures me this is normal. On Monday, for the first time,he asked me a direct question about the abuse. Not a hard question even. But hearing someone else use the terms and ask about it made me want to throw up. It felt so dangerous and well -- wrong! I KNEW I was in trouble for telling. I felt totally 12 again. It was awful. Maybe that is why I've been freaked out all week. *sigh*
You will get through it. Some times are just harder than others. I'm fragile tonight but still want to offer what support I can. Angel dreams to you!
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:288100
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/288987.html