Posted by DaisyM on January 19, 2004, at 22:47:58
In reply to Oh Daisy!, posted by Asya on January 19, 2004, at 21:43:08
>>>Maybe it will help if you talk about what happened during the session too. Did he say any words of comfort as you left? If not, did he at least give you a comforting gaze?
<<<Thanks all. I don't even know if I can explain it even. I told him I was reading about differentiation of self and about mutual projective identification and I had really started looking at how I contribute to the relationships I'm in -- friends, spouse, etc. I decided that I must be really frustrating because I need to control everything. He commented that I seem to keep emotional space around me, but understandably so. But he could see how that would frustrate my spouse. Ultimately the conversation was about how I have created and perpetuated my own unhappiness. In the end, I was in tears and he asked what was happening and I said I felt like I was sinking because I felt like my thoughts about being basically emotionally flawed had been confirmed. Growing up I didn't learn how to let people close and now it is too late. But I'm really lonely and sometimes wish someone would take care of me instead of me always taking care of everyone else. Not that I would actually allow that -- it would be scary.
I glanced at the clock and said, "Oh good, I can leave." And I got up. He said, "saved by the bell.We can talk about this more on..." and then he looked over as I opened the door and smiled sadly and just said good-bye. There wasn't anything for him to say because I was bolting. I did 90% of the talking today. I didn't really give him a chance to jump in. He did say at one point that I was doing what I always do, which is take responsibility for everything and everyone.
I don't know why it got so hard. It wasn't my intention today. My insides hurt so badly right now, I feel like my soul is coming loose. Sleep is probably the best answer but I doubt it will come. Even if I called, I wouldn't know what to say. He can't fix the truth.
poster:DaisyM
thread:302935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/302993.html