Posted by Karen_kay on January 24, 2004, at 11:43:38
In reply to Re: Hey, I love you all!, posted by gardenergirl on January 24, 2004, at 9:54:16
Pardon me for not making this brief, but I'm attempting to answer all questions with one post…
I honestly think the reason I ask him questions such as "Do you sit around the house in your underpants?" to create a human image of him in my head. I, up until the last session of course, didn't really think of him as human, he was more of some type of mystical creature (as stupid or child-like as this sounds). Now, I'm not thinking of him sitting around in his underwear, nor am I entertaining the thought of driving past his house to catch a glimpse of him in his underpants. I just want to know that he is like everyone else, who spills coffee on their clothes, sits around the house in their underwear, lets dishes pile up in the sink, forgets to let the dog out so he poops on the floor, ect. In my mind, I'm attempting to make him human, because I don't really think he is. I *know* he's human, but someone who's just there for me? That just doesn't seem right. I've never had that before. Now, he may have taken it out of context and interpreted the question wrong, adding the part about cleaning naked. I'm not picturing him cleaning naked either.
I also believe I'm testing my boundaries as well. "What will he answer and what won't he?" "What can I get away with, what can I not?"When I found out where he lived, I wanted to see his house, again just to find out what kind of house he lived in not to see him. But, the humiliation I would face upon being caught would be a far greater punishment than the reward of seeing his house. Since I made the decision to not do the drive by, I haven't even had the urge to go past his house again. Luckily, I don't live in the neighborhood, so I couldn't even be accused of driving by. And I'm proud that I don't even have the desire to drive past his house. I think it just has to do with the fact that I don't really have as much of a crush on him as I used to. I know I joke about it, but it's the truth.
And the reason I ask him personal questions about sex is to find out whether certain things are normal and OK. And it honestly has helped me. I know that there is a possibility he has crossed boundaries, but isn't that beneficial to the client at times? With him giving me permission to think about whomever I want during sex, I had good results. I just needed permission (keep in mind I do have quite a few sexual issues). So, I don't think the whole "Why do you want to know that" bit would quite work for me.
And the examples Miss Honey stated I could clear up in a few minutes. The bra size: I kept complaining that my breasts were too small, which they aren't noticeably small. He kept saying that there isn't anything wrong with them. I continued complaining and finally he asked what my bra size was. I said 36 C. When I said that, it made me realize that they weren't an A cup. I haven't complained much since nor have I thought that they really are too small. (Though if I were rich I'd still have surgery :) I guess if you say things out loud it makes you think about it...
I am going to talk to Bubba about his reaction. I actually had a dream about him, and I only remember important dreams. He was spouting something off and it was somewhat long psychobabble that didn't pertain to me and he said John (insignificant name). So I said "John?" And he said, "Bob?" in a defensive tone. And I said, "Bob?" And he was really defensive and said, "I really don't know what Roy has to do with this." I'm going to tell him about this dream and see what he has to say. I'm hoping he gets it. Oh God! I'm so hoping he gets it!!!!! It just shows that I feel like he doesn't listen to me and he gets super defensive (as I knew he would at the last session) and he takes everything I say and changes it around! Good grief! He's making me crazy and I ain't datin him! I have a boyfriend to drive me crazy. Bubba's supposed to make me sane. Is there something wrong with this picture? (That's a rhetorical question, I'm sure you figured out J)
It makes perfect sense to me.
BTW, I asked him if he ever sits around the house in his underpants. He said yes, and then added that he used to clean the house naked, much to the distaste of his wife, until he had children.
I also called a friend, who admitted to Googling several crushes, profs, ect. She's never been in therapy and says she agrees I did nothing wrong. I also agree.
He admitted, before seeing the picture that he has done online searches for ex-girlfriends. He even admitted to calling her workplace to make sure that she's doing fine. I think his reaction was based more on fear that other people have access to this information, not me. It still just puts me in an awkward position of having to defend myself and motivations. I don't want him to stop answering my question, I like them. I just want his self-disclosure to be on my terms. Though I know it can't be. So, I feel that I have to point it out to him, like it's my job. "Oh, well if you want to be a good therapist, maybe you shouldn't answer so many questions. Maybe it wouldn't be so helpful for future clients to answer so many personal questions." Again, shouldn't he have a supervisor for this sh**? I just worry about him being a good therapist too much. And I honestly believe he is a good therapist. But I'm still making the movie. Will you all come to see it? I'll still cast someone cute to play him, even if in the end I think he's completely disgusting!
poster:Karen_kay
thread:304110
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/304983.html