Posted by shadows721 on April 19, 2004, at 15:50:28
In reply to Distractions when talking on the phone with T, posted by LG04 on April 18, 2004, at 13:51:29
Yes, I have had that with a t. I think that part of my reaction was jealousy. I was used to having a one to one relationship in therapy setting and I was wanting that on the phone too. It is a bit selfish on my part as well. I didn't want to share the t. All of this of course is transference. It is seeing the t as a parent. "You must meet my needs." "I don't want to share you with your family." "I want to mean more to you than the others."
I think part of your reaction is transference and part of it isn't. Yes, it is very distracting to hear 3 kids in the background. This means that she has a life outside of therapy. It's hard to see the t in that light. When calling her at home, you will have to put up with what you get. This is no longer the total therapeutic setting anymore. This is her place of living. Yes, your problems will seem minimized in this setting, because you don't have her total undivided attention. You are having to share her with her family on the phone. It's also a bit of tranference of anger from a child perspective of needs, "I am more important than your family. I am in a crisis that needs your undivided attention right now. So, pay close attention to me." There will be a sadness reaction as well. The child inside will be sad that the t is not able to meet those needs.
There are many therapists that do not allow clients to call them for these very reasons. They feel the client and t therapeutic boundary is violated. Clients may tend to view the t as more of a friend than a t as well. This is a complicated and loaded issue. There's a lot more going on deep inside of you from this experience, but you can learn a lot from it.
You can learn that only you can truly meet all these needs. Use the calling only when you are indeed in a crisis. If you find you are in a crisis often, you need to examine why. You can learn how to meet your needs outside of the therapeutic setting. That is the goal of therapy. Validate yourself for taking care of your needs without having to call the therapist often. This is about empowering yourself. You are more competent and powerful to meet your own needs than you realize.
I am not saying don't call her. I am saying only do it when absolutely necessary. Learn life skills to take care of yourself and lessen the dependency on the t. She is only a tool for helping you find your empowerment to have a better life which you deserve.
poster:shadows721
thread:337437
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/337803.html