Posted by B2chica on April 29, 2004, at 14:27:18
In reply to Re: to cut or not to cut?, posted by shadows721 on April 29, 2004, at 0:38:08
Smokey,
this is the first time i've heard anyone at Babble talk about SI. i don't mean this in a bad way but i'm so glad to hear you'all talk about it. I used to do it growing up then stopped about 20, started up again last year but stronger(deeper, more often).
reasons? i think i've used every reason there is.
*The first cut i did i was Very suicidal i wanted to kill myself but i didn't want to "die" if you understand that- so i talked myself into not killing if i just cut real deep a little higher on my arm...it worked but messed up some fingers for a while till it healed (must have hit a tendon or muscle?)
*i cut when the emotional change is too fast and uncontrollable. there was a time when i was rapid cycling and couldn't take it anymore.
*sometimes i feel anger at myself or others horribly so i cut
*sometimes i hate my body, myself and i feel the need to damage it, instead of ripping myself apart i cut.
I've learned that i cut deeper, shorter cuts-darker blood and more of it.
*sometimes i cut just to see the blood, i take a tissue and place it close enough to the blood and watch it soak into it.
*i think as much as i've been cutting i was terribly dissociated for the first five months or so, sometimes i would not even remember making it as long, or in that place...-it is extremely addictive.
And last, every time i've cut-even now (except maybe a handful of times i've NEVER felt any pain. no matter where i choose to cut.
B2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:341108
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040426/msgs/341376.html