Posted by Klokka on June 18, 2004, at 12:06:40
Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this - I'm not exactly sure. I just registered here today, though I've been browsing for a few months.
I've been seeing my psychiatrist for about six months now, and since I've been feeling much better lately, we've been talking more about my parents. I don't understand why it should hurt so much and leave me feeling very needy and lonely, because they really haven't done anything wrong, but it does. The effect is made worse by my graduation - many of my teachers were very supportive and meant a lot to me. Now that exams are over and I have nothing to distract myself with, I'm feeling very unstable because I'm not going to see them very much anymore.
I also realized that because of my heavy courseload next year, I may not be able to see my psychiatrist (I am trying to fix this by taking the program over three years instead of two, however.) I'm fairly attached to him and even the possibility of not being able to see him in the fall is terrifying. I saw him yesterday, and in the middle of all this I found out that he can't see me next week, probably can't the next week (I have an appointment set, but he's on call that week and it will only be honoured if it's a slower day in the ER) and I have a tricky schedule for the two weeks after THAT, so I may not be able to see him then. I've been very stressed about this for some reason, to the point of not being able to sleep and being sick to my stomach. I called him this morning to try and schedule something for the last two weeks, but he hasn't called back yet, and if I don't hear from him today, it won't be until next Wednesday or maybe even two weeks from now. I can't stand waiting like this - the last time I called him, I was in a crisis and he didn't call back until the next week (left my phone number at the clinic and only works there Wednesday 'til Friday), so what chance do I have of hearing from him promptly this time?
I just don't know how to handle all of this uncertainty right now. I don't know how to handle the uncertainty now, not knowing whether I'm going to see him in two weeks or three or four, etc. or whether I can trust him to call back if I start feeling much worse. I also don't know how to handle the uncertainty about this fall - how can I possibly go and talk to him as though things are the same when I really want to cling to his office door and refuse to move until he agrees to work around my college schedule? He's been a great psychiatrist thus far (aside from being even more scatterbrained than I am!) and I don't want to give up if I don't have to, but if he doesn't call back I'm severely tempted to just stop showing up like I did with my old psychiatrist, even though I know that won't be helpful. (Though she was a bit of a different story... said very little after the initial session, even if I outright asked her a question, and never believed me when I said I was having trouble with med side effects.)
Any thoughts? I know that my problems are relatively minor, but they bother me a lot all the same and I can't figure out why or what to do about it. I apologize for the rambling - I'm sure there's a way to say this all in a concise manner, but I can't seem to find it right now.
poster:Klokka
thread:357815
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/357815.html