Posted by snapper on July 19, 2004, at 0:42:33
In reply to To: Snapper, posted by shadows721 on July 18, 2004, at 23:24:01
> I haven't heard from you. I hope you are doing okay.
Hi Shadows. I too was wondering where you have been! I am glad to here that you had a good vacation! I don't want to bore you or anyone else for that matter...but I have NOT been doing very well at all :( (sorry,wish I had better news)I guess some good news is the fact that after 6 ect treatments, I talked to my family and the pdoc and convinced him that I would like to treat the anxiety part of my illness, so we quit the ect treatments at 6 and then he told me he would treat my anxiety, so I have been on 10mg Valium BID for right around 2 weeks now and I don't know if it is doing any good for me or not... he also said that in addition to 'meds' he wanted me to do 4 or 5 other things that did NOT have to do with meds-I won't go into them here but suffice to say that for an "obsessive-compulsive- neurotic-hypochondriacal-quasi-suicidal and social phobic-avoidant BPII character like myself, the 'other part of his "prescription" for me to get well, sounded somewhat practical but on the flipside it sounds like pure B*ll*hit to me!Especially since it is pure torture to be around other people (even the ones that half way know,or think they have a clue as to wtf is wrong with my brain!)I feel my family is even getting frustrated and fed up with my wierdness and I am open to them on an almost daily basis that I wish God would just come and take me and put me out of my F****ng misery. The odd thing is, amongst all of this BS is that I at times have an un-canny wit and clever humour about me (comes and goes) that I am sure makes most people think...there is nothing wrong with you...little do they know and realize , I think that my wit and humour and puns are a constant agonizing struggle to hide my true feelings of intense, loss, grief, hopelessness and mostly total despondancy. I somehow know that my prognosis is *not* good, unless that is actually the depression just rearing its' full ominous and beastly head! Sometimes I don't know and most of the time I just don't give a s*it! Anyhow I am sorry for all the doom and gloom. BUt I am glad to hear you are back and hope you are doing as well as possible! Thanks for asking about me!Talk to you soon!
Snapper
poster:snapper
thread:367603
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/367623.html