Posted by mandinka on November 3, 2004, at 17:04:34
In reply to Re: Attachment to T and vice versa, posted by Crazy_Charlie on November 3, 2004, at 14:12:24
It is illegal in the US to sleep with a client too. There are two takes here - one that you have to wait at least two years before you begin to have any social contact with your ex-client. The other guideline says that you NEVER engage in a social relationship with a client after termination. Once a client, always a client. As T3 put it: "What if a client decides after ten years that he/she wants to do some more work?" A friend or lover cannot be a therapist.
There's a good example in Lott's book about a woman who fell in love with her therapist and after two years they had sex. The relationship turned out to be a big disappointment, because it was kept alive on transference and incomplete information about the T. I think this is the main problem with client-therapist extracurricular activities - they are built on the assumption that the person you get to know during the session is the entire person. Second, the ghosts of the past are summoned from inside the client and projected onto the therapist. This powerful, grand illusion is indeed an invitation for disaster.
My experience though is that the therapist, if a client notices attraction or if the therapist feels the attraction is too unbearable, should disclose those feelings to the client but first have a big heart-to-heart consultation with his or her professional peers, so the act of disclosure isn't the first step down the "slippery slope".
Sexuality is such a powerful force that if kept repressed and denied it is bound to be acted out one way or another - through anger or seductiveness. So, dear therapists, as sergeant Apone said to his marines in "Aliens": "Watch those corners!" and if confronted, try not to gaslight your clients. You expect honesty from them and should repay them with the same token imo. It's the sign of true respect.
Daisy, it's so nice to have a warm, fuzzy feeling when you're around your T, isn't it? Have I finally felt what safety means?! Me likey! From what you've written I'm sure your T can handle whatever feelings emerge inside you during therapy for him. It's important to keep the relationship secret-free, so no matter what, my sense would be that it's better to let it all hang out. :)
poster:mandinka
thread:410769
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/411241.html