Posted by Susan47 on December 7, 2004, at 12:47:25
This is about my relationship with my psychologist.
I separated from my husband early this year (Valentine's Day I moved out, heehee). Throughout that transitional time and in the period before it, I was seeing a psychologist. I kept my visits down to a bare minimum, knowing I didn't want to become reliant upon him and knowing, also, that these can become love relationships of some kind. I knew I was a person who had that inclination, and I didn't want to encourage it; yet, I was already trapped because I couldn't stop it either; it was too late after probably the first visit with this psychologist. I felt a kindred spirit, or thought I did.
At home, I became more and more rebellious and defiant; swore and cursed at my husband out loud, as he did to me.
He was a frequent pot smoker, and I found that smoking made me feel positive about life, and gave me a feeling of euphoria .. then I discovered that eating pot intensified that feeling, and lasted a lot longer than smoking it.
So I began eating pot every morning; that brownie was my breakfast. Well, my appointments with T were always in the morning. I think once it was afternoon, early.
I always ate or smoked before I saw the T. Seeing him became synonymous with euphoria and interest, and also, love.
Of course, the love feelings became very projected because of the effect the pot was having upon my poor addled, oh so so addled little brain.
Long long story but today I realized why I was so tied up in knots over my psychologist. I can't call him my therapist, and saying that he was my T is a lie because to my mind because I don't think gave me therapy in any real descriptive way ...
So now, with the knowledge, comes realization and the ability to change things.
Anybody ever heard of John Tackett? I cried myself into a euphoric frenzy, that's when I realized the effect pot was having on my gray (very gray, at times) matter.
poster:Susan47
thread:425738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041203/msgs/425738.html