Posted by Aphrodite on December 23, 2004, at 18:18:32
The pdoc who lectured me about my csa and how I subsequently handled it called me after I sent a letter telling her the pain she caused and after a meltdown with my T that he didn't defend me when the two of them spoke.
I launched defensively into her when she called b/c that's how I've learned to deal with controlling people. She interrupted and apologized. She said she had never been so "off" in reading someone; she thought I was more functional and robust until she read my T's report. She wanted a second chance. She said I was a lovely and smart young woman, and my demeanor and high-functioning despite my chronic abuse history was a good indicator that I could be "cured". It sounded a bit hollow to me, but I was afraid I was just being skeptical. I don't see how learning to be fake and have a facade is a healthy thing! I agreed to one more session next week, and if at the end I'm still uncomfortable, she will transfer me.
I kept remembering my T saying all the other patients loved her. He made me feel like the problem was me; he's probably right. Sigh. Anyway, he was very pleased that I was trying again to confront these things. He offered to go with me. He said if I wanted to try a new pdoc, he was insistent on going with me to protect me from another bad experience. I told him I didn't require such a gesture, but it was greatly appreciated.
I'm going, but wish me luck. The young part of me is very afraid about getting burned again.
I keep telling myself, she's just a drug supplier, she's just a drug supplier . . . (Sorry again, Dr. Bob.)
poster:Aphrodite
thread:433518
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/433518.html