Posted by daisym on December 28, 2004, at 18:55:39
In reply to Re: I've become the *bad* patient » daisym, posted by Skittles on December 28, 2004, at 10:28:19
>>>You know, I never even considered that he wouldn't remember or wouldn't consider it abuse. But I'm sure it's very possible, maybe even probable. The first thing that came to my mind is that he was just being mean, kind of twisting the knife, in a way.
<<<<I think they have to push it down and away in order to survive themselves. It may come up for him if he is remembering his own abuse. But if he thinks you have "gotten over it" why would he bring it up? I doubt he was being mean on purpose, but I don't know him. You said you hadn't heard his stories before. Perhaps, some time in the future, you can tell him how sad you were for him and see if it opens up a conversation.>>>>Daisy, does your Dad try to make physical contact with you? Mine seems to want to hug me all the time and I hate it. I can tolerate an arm around the shoulders, but sometimes he pulls me close in a way that feels too intimate and I wish I could crawl out of my skin.
<<<I don't really like contact from anyone, except maybe my kids and few very close friends. In fact it is a source of teasing from the folks I work with because they are a very huggy group (Damn human service people! :) My dad still calls me "baby" and he does hug me. But it is pretty limited as we live 3,000 miles apart. We've developed a very different relationship over the past 20 years, he is a terrific grandfather and he respects the work I do. Which makes digging out all this abuse stuff twice as hard. I've mentally divided him into two people, who he was before I turned 20 and who he is now. He has never, ever indicated that he felt bad for any of what went on or for moving away. I doubt he sought therapy. I was worried for a while that maybe he was a pedophile, (especially because I never told anybody) but my therapist seems to think there is a difference between pedophiles and abuse within families. Incest (I hate that word!) is as old as dirt and as common too.>>>>>>I knew you would understand about having my space invaded. It really has nothing to do with my T. That's one area where I trust her completely. I know she would never divulge anything. I'm not sure I can explain it very well, but it's simply my mother's presence that is disconcerting. And even if she didn't know exactly what was going on, the fact she might find out *something* is up is too much for me - it leads to questions and false displays of concern.
<<<<I get it. It is impossible to outgrow that sense that your mother "just knows." I would be freaked out too. And that concern - sheesh - do I know that too. It often feels like another way for her to give me her opinion and I have to take it because it is bundled up in "I'm worried about you.">>>>>>>And seeing that my T came in for me during her vacation would certainly tip her off! But yes, I can come up with some explanation and that does help ease my mind somewhat. How have things been going with your invasion? Did your T get the scheduling worked out?
<<<<I'm still having a really rough time around this. Today is a good example. My therapist has decided if I come on Tuesdays, that I should come earlier, because the likelihood is that "they" won't come until school is out. But today was a school Holiday. So I walked into the office and my friend said, "Oh, we are going today at 2, just to let you know." I was going at 11, so not a problem. But it FELT like a problem. I'm just not rational about this. I didn't have a complete melt down but I was upset enough to tell him about it -- AGAIN. He never minimizes my feelings, we just keep exploring what is being so badly triggered.>>>>And no, I absolutely do not think others here are bad for relying on their T's. I've also not read here about a situation where someone's T came in just for them during a vacation. But even if I did, I wouldn't think that person was bad. That's another thing I don't understand - why I can't be as kind to myself as I am to others.
<<<<<I didn't think you thought that. I was just trying to make the point with you that you should cut yourself some slack. And just so you know, my therapist offered to call me during his vacation because I was having such a hard time believing he would come back. Perhaps learning to be kind to yourself could be a therapy goal...I think you are very sweet and deserve kindness. I'm glad you found a therapist who obviously understands what you need. Hang on to her.
Hugs,
Daisy
poster:daisym
thread:434818
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/435172.html