Posted by peacefeline on December 31, 2004, at 14:27:31
In reply to Need vs. Want, posted by Skittles on December 29, 2004, at 18:46:15
Skittles,
(And by the way, this IS a great topic!)
Here's how it looks to me:
A "want" is just a "need" in disguise.
If I don't have a car and it's a long way to work, you could say I "need" a car, if I'm going to continue working where I do (and there's no reliable public transit, etc.)
But I don't "need" a Porsche, to get me to work. If I "want" a Porsche, maybe by listening to myself carefully, I can discover what I expect the Porsche to do for me, over and above getting me to work. Maybe I want it to make me look successful, or to rub my ex-spouse's nose in how well I'm doing, or to raise my self-esteem.
Then, when I get the answer to that question of what I want the Porsche to do for me, I can look deeper into that answer and find where the "need" lies. Because there always is a need, in there somewhere.
And usually, it comes down to not feeling connected enough. As you said, the need for oxygen, food & water is clear cut. The tricky ones are those needs which are not physical. When our connections with others are not sufficient for our needs, often we confuse the issue further with a list of "wants" which we fool ourselves into thinking will bring us happiness.
In the case of a T, there are definitely basic needs that most T's fill very well for most of us. We needed someone to listen, and help us sort out confusing things in our lives. We needed someone who would accept us the way we are. We needed a close connection with another human being, who could know the darkest truths we had inside, and would still remain in our lives, caring and helping.
If you suspect some of your "needs" are really "wants", maybe you can listen to what you are looking for from those parts of the relationship with your T.
Susan
poster:peacefeline
thread:435459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041228/msgs/436052.html