Posted by jonh kimble on February 4, 2005, at 0:03:53
For years I havent been living at all because im so caught up in feeling shameful. For example the other night I asked somebody if they could sharpen a pencil for me as they were next to it and they laughed at me just a bit, and right there, all my motivation, joy, self esteem was sucked out of me as I hung my head in shame, SHAME!!!!!!! I have to be perfect all the time. I know this is wrong but I have no idea what to do about it. im not living! i cant talk to anybody, im so friggin nervous, i seriously cant carry on a conversation at all and tonight in my dorm i just got a job to make sure the halls are clean and these guys playing ping pong after hours said "oh well put it away, dont worry." Like a wimp (tho I was terrified) I said ok and sure enough they didnt put it away. Im a @%!$ doormat, no one talks to me unless its out of pity. I feel like I just have to be a complete a#$hole just to live a normal life, or i dont want to live at all. Please anybody share your thoughts
poster:jonh kimble
thread:452899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050129/msgs/452899.html