Posted by alexandra_k on March 8, 2005, at 16:59:21
In reply to You have to change to be acceptable, posted by fallsfall on March 8, 2005, at 11:59:42
I don't profess to understand it all...
But I shall have a go...> I don't understand how we can both be accepted as we are right now, and still have goals to change. If we have goals to change, doesn't that mean that we aren't acceptable the way we are?
You can accept yourself just as you are right now. Right now you can't go back to work. You could get mad and frustrated or whatever with that - or you can accept it. That is the way things are right now and you can accept that.
But that doesn't preclude you from wanting to move from the state you are currently in to a state that you would prefer. If you would prefer to be working then you can have that goal while at the very same time accepting the present situation for what it is right now.
Acceptance doesn't preclude desire to change.
Desire to change doesn't preclude acceptance.Try not to think of it as moving from a less perfect state to a more perfect state though.
Think of it as moving from a less prefered state to a more preferred one.>I guess that some might say that it is analogous to watching a kid grow up. A two year old is acceptable even though he isn't able to do the things that a grown up is able to do. He is at an acceptable place for where he is in the process of growing up.
Yes. And all of life is a journey...
Everything is perfect just as it is
but that is not to preclude our having preferences.>I'm supposed to know how to earn a living.
If you put a 'should' in there (live you have with the 'supposed to') then you aren't accepting the situation as it is. You aren't accepting you as you currently are. It is true (by the sounds of it) that you would PREFER to be working, that you would LIKE to be working. But the 'should' or the 'supposed to' doesn't seem to be helping..
>How long is this process supposed to take? I've been working on it for 10 years now. If the kid is 6 and still acts like they are 2, isn't that no longer acceptable?
I don't think there is a fixed time that it is 'supposed to' take. If you accept the situation as it is. And still think that working would be preferable then it would seem to be time to figure out some of the things you can do to return. A couple of hours a week. A day a week. Two days a week. Whatever. But if you judge yourself for not being able to go back the way you would like then you will probably just get upset with yourself and that won't be helpful to you.
Saying you would like or prefer to go back to work is one thing (that is consonant with acceptance).
Saying you should be able to go back to work is another (that seems to preclude acceptance).Does that make any sense at all???
poster:alexandra_k
thread:468228
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/468344.html