Posted by fallsfall on March 13, 2005, at 13:51:48
In reply to Visit to pdoc (long), posted by daisym on March 12, 2005, at 23:34:06
>It is her opinion that this is not the right time to be doing this deep work, given how complicated my life is.
*** I'm not convinced that your life will be simpler later. Plus, it doesn't seem to me that you have a whole lot of *choice* in the matter. You could try to bury it all, but I'm not convinced that it would allow that.
>Her answer was that I didn't have to tell the stories, that going back wasn't usually helpful and if I was unable to contain things between sessions then we were pushing too hard and too fast.
*** According to *HER* theoretical beliefs going back isn't usually helpful. But there are other qualified doctors who disagree with that.
>As far as my attachment worries, she said that I was right to be realistic about things. She believes that therapists do grow resentful of "clingy" clients and that I needed to set boundaries for myself and not tell him about them. She thinks it would help me in my own head to know what my limits were -- i.e. only three phone calls a month, or something.
*** She is advising you to keep something from your therapist????? In particular, she is advising you to make your own decisions regarding what your therapist has said is the most important work that you are doing? - in direct opposition to what he has said?
*** Different theories see dependency in different ways. My first therapist (CBT) did everything she could to drive the nasty dependency away from me. And I did my best to comply. But that didn't help me. And I don't think it will help you.
>
> I found myself shaking my head and agreeing with her. I want to set limits. I don't want my therapist to think of me as clingy and I certainly don't want him to resent me.*** Of course you don't want him to resent you. But he had TOLD you that your clinginess is NOT a problem for him. He has encouraged you to cling MORE. He wouldn't do that if he was going to resent you.
> while he was very professional about it, I could tell he wanted to strangle her. Mostly because I took away the message that I shouldn't be doing this work if I was falling apart around it, or needing my therapist in between sessions.
>I felt criticized.
*** Who did you feel criticized by? Her or him?
>I kept telling him I didn't want to talk about it yet, I hadn't had a chance to think about it enough and yet I'd go right back to it.
*** I'm glad you didn't have time to figure it all out without him.
>He also noted that she had pushed my mother button big time. That being told, "if it is upsetting, then don't do it" was my mother's standard answer.
*** This is important.
> I still didn't tell him what she said about therapists getting resentful of clingy clients. Why is that? Am I afraid he would admit it happens? (Come on, we all know it happens!) Am I afraid he is already there? It doesn't feel like he is there. Maybe I just didn't want to have the fears really out there before I left again. Do you think I need to tell him when I get back? It feels like it is getting bigger and bigger as the days go by.
*** Yes. You need to tell hiim when you get back. Or even before that. You can deal with the fears by yourself, or you can let him help you with them. Which do you think is healthier?
*** I hope you have a good trip. And STAY IN TOUCH!
poster:fallsfall
thread:470309
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/470469.html