Posted by sunny10 on April 22, 2005, at 8:24:18
In reply to Re: physical holding, posted by annierose on April 22, 2005, at 7:37:41
a great deal of my problems stem from the fact that my mother did not provide this very necessary form of affection at any time during my life.
And the need for physical touch IS elemental. Studies have been done on children in Romanian orphanages who are never touched, held, et cetera and have been found to exhibit failure to thrive.
A large part of therapy is getting down to the injured child within us and fixing what was broken way back then.
Is it then wrong to "love the inner child as she should have been loved back then"? Perhaps it is that you need to have that inner child taught that it is important to hold and be held. To have the inner child taught that not all physical touch should be sexual in nature. That to stroke and to hug is to appease pain when done with empathy/sympathy.
I reacted this way to the post because I am one to isolate when hurt because this is what I was "taught to do". It did no good to go to my mother for a hug when I was hurting. I was spurned each time I tried. But when I isolate, there is no appeasement of the pain. It escalates until I am suicidal. It is extremely difficult for me when I am in emotional pain and someone offers to give me a hug. There I was, going through the motions (work, chores, errands, whatever) and someone notices that I seem sad. They ask me if I'm okay, or if I need a hug, and I just freak out- bursting into uncontrollable sobbing, while dealing with a strange "flight or fight" reaction going on inside. After years of therapy, I realized that this is because although it is offered, I am afraid of ultimate rejection after showing this weakness, because my mother always rejected me.
So maybe I would love to have your T. I would love to have someone work with me on HOW to be able to accept consolation and non-sexual intimacy.
Sorry for the long post, but I just had to write what I was feeling when I read your post and the subsequent replies...
-sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:487743
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/487818.html