Posted by Tamar on May 4, 2005, at 3:42:35
In reply to Is it really harmful to be friends with T ?, posted by happyflower on May 3, 2005, at 10:35:29
I struggled with this one a lot. I liked my T very much and I really wanted his friendship.
I think it is certainly possible to be friendly if you happen to run into your T, which is quite likely if you live in a small town. Or even in a big city, if your T lives within about ten miles of you.
The problem with a real friendship is that you have a therapeutic history. It would be very difficult to make the transition from a professional relationship to a friendship, even if you both want to. It’s different from relationships with other professionals, like doctors and teachers, because of the transference involved in a therapeutic relationship.
The other thing to consider is that, like Alex said, you can never go back to a therapeutic relationship. That was the deciding factor for me. I figured: if I become friends with my T, then if I ever need therapy again I’ll have to find a new T. And the new T might not be as good. My T was brilliant. And if the friendship didn’t really work out I’d have lost a good T for nothing.
In a way, I felt it would be almost an insult to his skills as a therapist if I decided I’d rather have his friendship than his professional expertise. I have lots of friends already; I don’t have lots of therapists!
According to the theory, friendship is discouraged because the transference that takes place in therapy doesn’t disappear after termination. It stays with you. In my experience, this has been true. I still experience the transference, and it’s still useful to me as a means of exploring my feelings.
But, but, but... If I’m honest I still hope that one day, five years from now, I’ll bump into him somewhere and we’ll go for a cup of coffee and talk about politics and sport and books and movies… I love my fantasies!
poster:Tamar
thread:493094
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050428/msgs/493485.html