Posted by Jazzed on May 20, 2005, at 12:28:22
In reply to Relationship with T/Bad Session (very long), posted by 10derHeart on May 19, 2005, at 17:50:19
> Hi everyone,
>
> Until yesterday. My session was so weird. After I left, it bothered me more and more. We talked about a certain subject, at my request, leaving other things behind for now, because I'm so stressed about it I can't focus on anything else. Has to do with me needing to find a part time job, and why I seem to be so scared of some of the steps needed to do so. To my surprise, it's triggering all sorts of feelings of worthlessness, incompetance (sp.?), self-loathing - all sorts of nasty stuff. I knew I was sensitive around this, but not to THIS degree. Meaning I cried a good portion of the time. There is nothing unusual about that, and I am okay with all sorts of reasons for crying in session with him. Normally, although it's hard to pin down what he says or does, he helps with the feeling so bad and the tears somehow, just by validating things, and contradicting those that are just way out there (negative). And also by *being* in the room in a certain way. Who can articulate this? Not I, but I trust most know what I mean. Well, yesterday he was so not there :-(
>
> So what happened? Somehow, even though I think I recall saying plenty of bad stuff about myself, he just wasn't "there" to soften it or argue with it. Just kept taking notes and saying nothing. It was like we were complete strangers in the room. I make only occasional eye contact, but this time was worse than ever. I remember worrying I'd look up and find a bad look on his face - bored, angry at my stupid ramblngs, or staring off into space - something. And when I did peek, I noticed his foot tapping like crazy. Now he does this some, but never this much. Every time I peeked, his foot was going 100mph. Maybe this is my stuff, but I used to do that too, before ADD meds and a calmer mindset, etc. Quite often for me, it did mean I was bored, impatient, needing out of the situation. So that's how I felt he felt.
>
> More than that, there were a few too many, "Mmm-hmms," and "uh-huhs" for my taste. That can get really dismissive and patronizing to my ears. Is this crazy? Am I projcting all over the place?
>
>
I think it's great that you jumped right in there and wrote and sent that email to your T. I think it helps them to be more effective with us when we question where they are, and they they are there with us. I would guess that they can be distracted or get bored with us, esp. when things aren't fresh and new, but it's good that your T got right back to you with such a kind and caring response. I hope I find one as nice.
BTW, I've read a lot of ppl email their T's is it commone for them to give us there email addy? Just curious.I hope now that you've raised the issue with him he can be more in the present with you. Did you tell him about the foot tapping? That would drive me batty, but it's something I do all the time.
Jazzed
poster:Jazzed
thread:500036
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500351.html