Posted by Tamar on May 24, 2005, at 4:13:54
In reply to Is anyone scared/terrified of their Ts?, posted by pinkeye on May 23, 2005, at 18:52:06
I’m sorry to hear about your nightmares and about the crying. That’s awful. It does sound like transference, mixed with stress.
No wonder you feel like a child. It sounds as if you don’t know how to feel; whatever you do, you fear rejection, whether that’s a rejection of your childlike impulses or your adult femininity. How can you know whether to be a kid or a woman, when your dad’s responses to you were so often inappropriate?
I wanted to respond earlier, but there was something I wanted to mention only I didn’t know what it was, if that makes sense. But it came to me eventually: I think it’s significant that you’ve emailed your ex T quite soon after speaking to your father and forgiving him.
You said that your father denied everything and denied terrorizing you. So I’m wondering if you’re partly afraid that your father is angry with you for what you said to him about your childhood, even though your mother validated it. Maybe that’s part of the reason you feel so upset and afraid of your ex-T right now.
I hope he does reply, though often ex-Ts just don’t reply. He might think that replying would stir up all the transference again, but as you say, you need closure. But the complicated thing is that maybe you still need some closure with your father too.
I’m sorry you’re so unhappy and afraid. Sending you hugs.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:501789
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/502139.html