Posted by JenStar on May 25, 2005, at 18:52:56
In reply to I can't believe how damn stupid I have been » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 25, 2005, at 17:26:34
hi pinkeye,
It sounds to me that you're only starting to get more frustrated because you're coming to learn more about your past and to realize that big mistakes were made by your parents. Like Dinah said, it DOES seem that you have two warring perspectives: On the one hand, you are sort of "trained" to give your dad ultimate respect and deference, because that is what you learned culturally, even though he hurt you and your mom. On the other hand, you're learning that he made big huge colossal errors with you, and you didn't deserve that, and he's not really facing it or admitting it. And that makes you MAD and not want to respect him and what he did to you. So you have these two factions fighting in your mind for dominance, and it's tearing you up right now, because you have to choose between yourself and your cultural upbringing. The issues with your husband seem to mirror the issues with your dad, and again, you have to make a choice. At least, that's the way it seems to me from the outside, and I apologize if I"m missing the mark here!You're NOT stupid. You're brave and smart. You're trying to figure yourself out, and that is never a bad thing to do! It just seems like you opened a box that was shut tight and hidden away deep inside you, and now the feeling of self-worth and self-preservation and respect are coming out and you don't know exactly what to do with them.
I hope it all works out! (I know that sounds lame, but I mean it.)
((pinkeye))
JenStar
poster:JenStar
thread:502748
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/502886.html