Posted by Shortelise on May 30, 2005, at 13:50:47
In reply to How does one be a good friend?, posted by Angela2 on May 29, 2005, at 15:23:42
Making friends - I think doing things you enjoy doing and talking to people who are doing those things too could be a good way to make friends.
One of the most important things in friendship, for me, is forgiveness. My expectations have been high, way too high, and I've dumped some good friends because of it. What a mistake! So I've learned that one of the ways I can be a good friend is to try to be understanding.
Again it comes back to the "is this about me or is this about you" thing. Sometimes I have become so furious at someone, only to think it through maybe a year later - maybe ten years later - and finally understand that it was more about me than about anything my friend had done, and I'd really screwed up.
I have also learend to let my friends accept me as imperfect. I don't ask for unconditional love because a) I don't believe in it, and b) it's too much to ask of *me*, and c) it's an expectation that in the past has caused me the loss of friendships.
Realistic expectations. Meeting for coffee, going for a walk, talking about the garden or kids or birds or whatever. Down to earth, simple, quiet getting to know a person a little bit.
And kindess. That's a must in any relationship I have.
Practicing with my therapist has been a big help.
Hope this helps, Angela2.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:504801
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/505257.html