Posted by pinkeye on June 3, 2005, at 15:36:56
So - once again, I am trying to make peace (for real this time) and let go of my ex T. Instead of trying to desperately hang on to him.
He is a very good guy basically, and I think I liked him a lot for that. But the extra dependancy and attachment and intense abandonment issues are all probably transference from my issues with my dad.
And my anxiety about my father and my intense longing for my dad and my abuse and conflicting relationship was probably what caused me so much of hurt and longing for my ex T.
But now I have understood it, I should really try to let go of my ex T right? After all, he is married with a good wife and good family. I wouldn't want to try to hang on to him. And my husband is turning out to be a real decent person also. And I do like my husband more these days.
So wouldn't it make sense for me to leave my dependancy on my ex T and instead try to focus and build a more rewarding relationship with my husband? He is basically a very good guy too. And we are married. So wouldn't it be nice if I could turn all my attention towards my husband and develop more love and affection towards him? And my ex T will be with him family? So what if I liked my T? Everyone likes their Ts. And Ts probably end up liking some of their patients too. But we cannot try to keep clinging to that liking right? Till you get healed and understand the transference it is probably ok. But now that I understood, shouldn't I try to move on? What does it really matter if I really liked him or not? How is that going to help anymore? And how does it really matter what my ex T thought of me? It isn't going to help him or help me. He could have told me he liked me little bit atleast so it would have helped me move on, but that is allright. I cannot get everything I want from everyone.
(This is to anybody who hasn't got bored to death by my repeated attempts by now :-))
poster:pinkeye
thread:507378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/507378.html