Posted by littleone on June 5, 2005, at 16:10:25
In reply to Re: Push Pull (slight si trigger) » littleone, posted by Poet on June 5, 2005, at 11:55:40
> I *do* want my T to care about me, I just can't get myself to admit it. Everytime she says she cares about me, I tell her don't. She tells me I can't control her feelings (no surprise I can't control my own either.)
Oh, this made me laugh :) I too am not in control of my own feelings, but still try to control other's feelings. When it's happening it's not funny, but when you write it like this it is.
It really drives me crazy the way I yearn so badly for him to like me, to care for me, to protect me. But when he does, it drives me away. Or I try to find ways to prove he doesn't - not deliberately. It's all an unconscious thing. Sometimes I'd like to grab my unconscious and yell "What are you doing? This is crazy stuff!"
> Digging too hard is cruel and damaging. Can your T stop pushing so hard, especially when you go into your therapy amnesia? Maybe you could remember little bits rather than big pieces?But I always think that holding stuff back and keeping secrets is cruel too. Especially now that I understand that's a part of dysfunctional families. I thought being more open would be healthier. Drives me nuts. Sometimes I think therapy is just one big paradox after another.
> Push/pull drives me crazy, too. Therapy drives me crazy(ier.):) After saying it drives me crazy, I was going to put a line in my post saying "Ha! I'm already there!"
You know, sometimes I think I prefer the term crazy. My T calls his clients "patients" and I just loathe that so much. It makes me feel like I'm sick. Crazy sounds like lots more fun :)
poster:littleone
thread:507760
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/508041.html