Posted by Dinah on July 4, 2005, at 16:27:05
In reply to What makes people like their Ts and not others??, posted by pinkeye on July 4, 2005, at 14:52:59
I'm not sure your basic assumption is true. My relationship with Babble as a whole is as important to me as my relationship with my therapist, and I am equally distraught at anything I percieve as a threat to it.
I will admit to the truth that I don't become totally vulnerable to individual Babblers very often because I've learned the hard way that Babblers come and go, for various reasons of their own. It's been my pattern in life to be the one who doesn't leave. My life has been so stable, by design, and by my own pathology, that I never leave anyone. Friends move on from me. And it hurts. I've learned to shield myself from that hurt.
But there are individual Babblers who have proved themselves to be long term friends that I can count on to be there, and I have become vulnerable to them. There are people that I not only *like" probably better than my therapist, but that I have given the power to hurt me nearly as much as my therapist. It's that latter part, giving people the power to hurt me, that I consider to be the greatest vulnerability and sign of trust that I can express.
I'm not sure how much I "like" my therapist. Probably I wouldn't like him nearly as much as many Babblers, or real life people.
You know how there are some people that you just feel attracted to? They possess qualities that you admire, and you'd just like to get to know them better? My therapist isn't really one of them.
What he does have is a certain quality of calmness that he is able to radiate, and certain other personal qualities that I find helpful to me when I'm in distress. And I gave him the power to hurt me long before he had proved himself worthy of it. Fortunately it turned out ok. That's the main difference that I see. I guess he has more power to hurt me than anyone else, including my husband, but darned if I know why. It isn't because I like him better. I guess it's because I've turned him into my port in the storm. I have a habit of personifying qualities in a person, and I've personified safety in him. I personified happiness in a dog who died long ago.
Probably not wise, but I seem to do it anyway.
But that's not the same as liking him more than I like others with similar qualities.
poster:Dinah
thread:523351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/523396.html