Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2005, at 13:57:59
I think I have an idea where to look.
Before Daddy died, I was thinking that it was time to cut back on therapy. That I was growing in such a way that I didn't need my therapist in the same way. Not quitting, but growing the way a child grows and separates from their parent.
And I was upset about the loss that it would entail. I think I had a pretty good handle on what the loss was.
The conversation came up again today, and it was frustrating in the extreme, because I couldn't verbalize the feelings of loss. I said I was sad, he said to talk about the sadness, and I didn't know what on earth he was talking about. I used the metaphor or whatever of my son who is now too old to want to sit on my lap to read his night-time stories, and who doesn't care if I kiss him goodnight or not. It's growth, but he loses that nurturing feeling of being on mommy's lap. That feeling that you never ever ever get back until you go into therapy. :) (Of course, Mommy misses it a lot too, with the added disadvantage of not growing in order to lose it.) And it's hard for me to see what this particular growth has as its advantage. I don't want to get off my therapist's lap, not even if I don't need to sit there anymore.
To me that *is* explanation, but he wanted more. And I'm at a loss. Moreover, I'm a bit angry, because if he doesn't understand what it is I'm losing, maybe I'm not really losing anything at all, because I never really had anything. :(
poster:Dinah
thread:523767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/523767.html